laying here in sentimental silence
whispering sweet seduction's
restless heated kisses upon flesh
can't fight this
even half asleep
fingertips arouse our senses
starlight blankets us
as you pull me down deep sighs escape your mouth
sexy grin crosses my face
as your touch sets me on fire
slow feather touches then strong
makes wanting to be needing
teasing every desire in me
my movements give me away
your name and love mixes
in my sweet moans
as pressure builds inside
my eyes never leaving your's
i lead you in my secrets
arched hips take your overfilling
grace me with lovemaking
please ....
sooth my cravings
skin glistens my body
your eyes glaze over
love consumes the air
thighs caress around you
careful stroking
touches me just right
my world becomes blurry
deeper you love me
under lover's sky
you are my magical
gentle treasure
yet powerful addiction
over again and again
i collapse in gratifying ecstasy
once glance into your softened eyes
sweet sleep my head on your chest
till sunrise takes us
to love once more...
In a list
A contest entry
- Make my heart flutter...make me delirious with passion! by SummerlandRayne.
499 points, ended July 26, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - It's all about love by Sound of Madness.
625 points, ended July 12, 2008, 76 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Erotic Challenge Season 8 by Master Ktulu.
300 points, ended August 21, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Wonderful! I could feel all the passions flowing in this work and there was so much I could identify with the description of love making in here. I think everyone who has been with the one they love most could. You caught all the most universal thoughts which flow in every lovers fiber.
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I think this flows much better now. Great job with your editing.
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starlight blankets us
i love that phrase and it sets the tone for the rest of this write. you did a good job here and i am glad that i had the chance to read this. thank you for entering this poem and sharing with us your work. -
Thank You!!
Thank You for Your entry: Under Starlights Magic
This piece tugged hard and awakened everything dormant
While I was reading which I do several times~ Images come to me in many forms~ while taking in Your words: sentimental silence~ just love those words and I kept being reminded of meditation- how one goes into a relaxative state- felt that with those words also reference to: fingertips arouse our senses
For some reason I kept seeing images of Reiki-
I'm making a mention on many writes-- Personally I don't have a preference for capital letters or lower case as long as it is consistent within the write- example beginning lines capital- etc- or if lowercase i....consistent throughout which You have done- As one of the judges, I'll mention what I notice but I don't like to butcher another person's work- I'm not a poetic guru and will never claim to be- this is just a personal note: the only thing that had me go back for clarity in a few spots were the commas- there were commas in some places that stopped me in my tracks but I did understand what You meant- hopefully that makes sense but know I sure did enjoy the Journey ..Wanted to mention this line:
please ....
sooth my cravings
*soothe* I'm not picky whether there is punctuation or not as long as I don't get lost in the words and lose my place~Everybody has his or her own style preference so I take that in consideration I won't write a novel of a comment this time but in summary
Magnificent pre-write entered ~
Congratulations on Your HM also
Challenge Matrix:
spelling/grammar/punctuation-18
presentation/creativity-20
how well you handled the challenge-20
"grab me" effect (how much did we enjoy reading this piece)-20
overall-20
For a total of 98 points
Sensual images & message You have brought forth
Thank You for sharing Your Talent!
Hope to read more...
Best wishes to You in the challenge Sweet Soul
**Judging will be done shortly...
Many blessings too
and much love & light~ Desire~*~
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I liked this but I feel the small 3 line stanzas make it a bit choppy. Perhaps if you were to combine some of them and make bigger stanzas it may flow better.
**Master Ktulu** -
I could feel the love and the passion in this piece, even though it did not flow as well as I would have liked.
"as your touch, sets me on fire" - that comma does not belong there and breaks your flow. You need to be careful about that.
I like some filler words and when you are writing a longer piece word economy detracts something for me from the power of a write. We all use "the" and "and" sometimes when we talk or communicate. You do not need to completely eliminate them from writing in my opinion.
I still liked this and I think it is a worthy entry. -
Thanks for entering this into my contest. This is a beautifully written poem. Wow, it blows me away. I wish you much luck.
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Very sensual Lisa! Good write!
Words well put together.
Love
Steff-
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Wow!
Now, that was beyond romantic. That was straight-up hot! Great passion expressed here. Just dandy.
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Wonderfully sensual Sis! Love the anbiance...the gentle motion of two bodies seeking completion in one another. The pic is HOT!!! I loved this. Romantically kissed with passion and love! Best of luck!
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