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The Birth of a Shadow

Lighted by the moon,
Clouds are quickly forming,
The darkness ensues.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • Jillybean128
    July 19, 2008

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    I like this piece. I love how you have taken something as simple as a shadow and worked with it...given it an action like birth. I think you have done a great job. Nicely done

    ~Jillybean128


  • azure85 gold member
    July 10, 2008

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    Lighted by the moon,
    Clouds are quickly forming,
    The darkness ensues.

    You have some nice imgaes of the night sky, and you could tighten up the lines some to intensify your thoughts.

    moon light
    as clouds form
    darkness

    But your title has the birth of a shadow. (and haiku don't have titles, usually the first line stands as one)

    moonlight
    as clouds form
    .....

    You could add something about a shadow, or something you think is appropriate. You can revise as many times, if you want to, until the close of the contest.

    Thank you so much!