I am the wind that tickles your neck.
I am the trickling stream at your toes.
I am the giant Red Woods creaking.
I am the cold ocean vast.
I am what you fear most.
The knowledge of a thousand lives drags me down,
plunging into the waiting grip of decay;
every taken step a reminder of
what I am.
Neverending -everending!- sea of ignorance.
Your unknowing eyes are faded,
so that you will never see
what I am.
I am the Springtime flood, the drying sun,
the tide that pulls you screaming away,
the storm hailing you into a realisation.
I am everything,
and yet,
I am nothing at all.
God either saves nor damns my soul.
I simply am.
I am you.
A contest entry
- Graceful Tongues by rendezvous.
1500 points, ended July 19, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Your transitional lines were of some quality. I really enjoyed the adventure of this line: "Neverending -everending!- sea of ignorance."
However, the "I am..." sentiments - though empowering and efficacious - are quite overused in poetry. One of my favorite poets, Billy Collins, uses this technique in an ironic, humorous fashion (here's the youtube link if you're interested in listening): http://youtube.com/watch?v=56Iq3PbSWZY
I admire the I Amness asseveration at the end; however, I fear it has been weakened by the lack of innovation throughout the preceding lines.
Thanks for taking the time to enter.
jen
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