i am almost 33
mother
the same year
jesus abandoned his marys
but his death had meaning
yours was just a wagon
it’s still crawling
dragging my woman cans
dirt-crooked and bleeding
and you are a cold one
cousin
you left me with hands
cupped in a question
no coda
just the beat
of your children’s legs
and the snake
of a river’s shore
and grandmother
you hated me the most
your immortality
failed beautifully
and since your eyes have closed
eternity is now in the kitchen
and i
its succulent roast
you all are thieves of the worst kind
i hate you hair by hair
you are all playing mahjong
drinking jeering tea
those watermelon seeds
while my belly chews on itself
and my skin itches with our history
tell me
is this right
is this true
is this fair
to watch
sleepless
your highwaymen
riding
riding
out through
the open door
Author notes
for the usual ghosts...the ones that always go 'Tratala tratala tratala' in my mind.
A contest entry
- Abandon by misselaineous.
2050 points, ended July 20, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
oops, forgot the clappy guys!
-
...You need to write some new poems, ma'am. For now I'm just going to read your old ones I haven't commented/read in a while, cos whatever you do would be brilliant as this is anyways.
This is so, so beautiful, so full of such excellently written longing. "yours was just a wagon
it’s still crawling
dragging my woman cans
dirt-crooked and bleeding" is especially awesome.
Not sure if you really need the repetition of "riding" in the final stanza, or, if you do want to repeat it, if it works spread over two lines. But excellent poem, as usual.
~Christie -
thank you for gracing my contest with this poem
the metaphor is brilliantly done and i adored
"it’s still crawling
dragging my woman cans
dirt-crooked and bleeding"
elaine
-
love it. wonderful. I love how you tied in the highwayman bit. one of my favies. ^.^
-
-
Thank you...yes, that is also one of my favorites...it kept running in my head when I wrote this so I had to give it it's moment in the light.
Again, thank you.
-
-
Love.
-
damn woman, you're good.
"your immortality
failed beautifully"
oh, I loved that line, among others.
-
-
-
-
-
Whew!
This is almost hair-raising. Seems like it fits the contest well though.
You have a typo:
and my skin itch with our history (my skin itches with our history)
otherwise, good job all the way through.
-
-
Ah, thank you, m'pet. Love your comment and sharp eye.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
