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cat's gone

cat's gone
no meow
mice play

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • azure85 gold member
    July 8
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    cat's gone
    no meow
    mice play

    I agree with myron, you need some images instead of statements. What can you show us to illustrate the cat is gone? It is something to think about, you may revise as many times as you like until the end of the contest. Thank you so much.


  • myron silver member
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    This one doesn't really work for me as it stands now, as the first two lines are statements rather than images:

    cat's gone
    no meow
    mice play

    The second line doesn't really add anything new. (The cat's gone, so of course there would be no meow. The idea of the poem is ok, but there is no surprise or 'aha moment'. I feel that a haiku works beter when there is a juxtaposition of images, rather than a narrative.

    best wishes,
    myron.