Making Anew by Florida Sunshine at All poetry

Submerging down--I find
it was me who was blind.

I leave behind the past,
to free my mind and soul.
It’s not--a death I’ve cast,
but 'life' I'm grasping hold.

I cleanse my life anew,

through an eternal start;

remove stings made by you

with our lives--now apart.

I merge a worthy-self,

confident, full of pride;

no longer bring myself

down, just to run and hide.

Author notes

Photo Credit: Artist credit- Softly sleeping by `arcipello

When I look at the photo I thought of... a woman drowning but then she's not drowning. She's cleansing the old. The jellyfish represents pain, hurt or anything bad.

The poem is about what may seem like a woman [like me] drowning, but really she is making herself new, stripping the pain the low self-worth. Though it is difficult to struggle to make a change in your life. It make you stronger, and confident knowing you'll won't have to live life like that ever again. You are given a gift of awareness.

Nothing wrong with getting stronger. < mmm, maybe that should be my title. I might change it later.

also, as much as I love the host ...

I'd like to dedicate this to my 'favorite' teacher who has welcomed me through an open door.

"Terry-too" otherwise known as DeeCrepit

ta-DAH ta-DAH ta-DAH~ the strength you've given me ~is why this for you!

Winklings English Usage Grammar Punctuation Class with TERRY group list • next in list

A contest entry

. by Aurora Ceres. 600 points, ended July 26, 13 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest

Please give me some honest feedback~ Critique's welcomed

Comments

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penman
July 30
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excellent
Wonderful creation. So well crafted and expressive. Congrats on the honorable mention.
ian sawicki
July 17

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a good piece of poetry which flows smoothly, yeah, don't run and hide in life and love, be free, be free = be free in your temple be free - freddie mercury
albymyheart
July 11

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The poetess blooms!
Such a clean poetic write! You have worked this using your newly learnt skills and take the reader along on a smooth metered flow. A lovely dedication with the light feeling of being re-born. Well done...alby
Terry-too
July 11

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Yesssss! Inspiring indeed!
May this inspire all to strive for greater things, to be in fact, who we were meant to be! I am happy to see it has worked so well for you, and thank you humbly, for kindness of your dedication. I know you will pass it on!

I especially praise the first quatrain, not only in its perfect meter (which it smoothly has,) but for the way its contrast remains in the mind after reading it. Beautiful blend of meaning and form such as this is too seldom found!

In the line "down, just to run and hide." do you really need "just"? It poses an interesting problem.
Down to run and hide would put the stress on the first word, making it--not iambic, but trochaic, something you had seen and avoided. Just is there to give the stressed beat that iambic meter demands, but can we adjust the previous line to put the "down" there?

What you have works, but a word to replace 'bring' with the meaning of down so "just to run and hide" could be "or just to run and hide" to keep the beat.

Let's take that last verse into the group. A single word may make all the difference, and strengthen the message too.

Ah, the first four lines demand the best. Striving for perfection. It is so near!

Terry
xXDarkChildXx
July 8

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Wow, this was just wonderful! I love the way you took the picture! Such a beautiful poem! Sometimes I wish for this, a renewl, to start over fresh! So lovely, I truly enjoyed this poem! Good luck in the contest! Keep on writing, until you can't no more!

xXDCXx

~Make Peace, Not War~