starry night
sparkles for me
in my loves eyes
Author notes
haiku - 3-4-3
A contest entry
- Haiku Workshop by azure85.
600 points, ended July 24, 2008, 60 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I very much like love in haiku, well done.
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I really like this one but the way I count the 3rd line has 4 not 3. Just wanted to point that out. I really like this piece and they way you have captured a moment of your life...a feeling. I love the imagery in this. Best of luck to you in this contest
~*~Jillybean128
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Such a lovely feeling going with this haiku!
All the best in the contest!
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...aught to be music to go with that one!
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starry night
sparkles for me
love is here
I think myron left some excellent advice for L3. The image of the "starry night" is lovely, is there an image, sight, sound, you could use to express L3 which is a statement. You may revise as often as you want to to, thank you so much for your haiku entry.
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There's a clean break at the end of the second line so that's good. The first line could have an article before the word "starry' so that it flows more smoothly. The third line is a statement, rather than an image, so that weakens the haiku for me. I think you could just as easily find an image for this final line to give your readers an evocative 'aha moment'.
Best wishes,
Myron. -
Great very good i liked it dearly
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Yes..a strong night..with a strong verse..inviting the love...well done my friend....thanks for sharing such a wonderful piece...
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Thank you my friend, it was a moment of heart. My best wishes always.
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