I.
Piano keys are softly tapping as if it is
the background music of our arguements.
Your voice crescendos high into the
heavens as you tell me that im worth
{nothing} to you. I cower in fear as
your voice reaches higher than the
climax to our love sick tune...
And i have descended back into a
new key, a broken key...
II.
With heavenly melodies twinkling in
the night...reminding me that we used
to be something special. I stare off in
the distance hoping that i'll see your
reflection in the window behind me.
Watching and waiting for you to wrap
your arms around me and shield me
from whatever it is that harms me...
But then i snap back to reality and
open up my eyes to see that there is
no us, there is no we...just{{me}}
III.
Its late and our song keeps playing
on every radio station. Nothing sets
me free from you anymore, i turn around
your name is plastered on the walls i
close my eyes and your smiles tattooed
on my eyelids. your voice somehow finds
its way through every song i hear.
I thought you'd be nothing but a distant
memory, i thought we'd be a one time thing,
but how is it that every moment that i dont
talk to you, see you, hear you, be with you
i fall more in love with you...?
Author notes
i like this style of writing because of a previous contest i was in
it feels more simplistic to write it in this form.
A contest entry
- Words by Angelo di Luce.
480 points, ended July 19, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Living Life Your Way by gettingoutofme.
390 points, ended July 22, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - It's all about love by Sound of Madness.
625 points, ended July 12, 2008, 76 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Is Dirty Pretty a Lost Cause? by Hell In Harmony.
6500 points, ended July 22, 2008, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
love it or hate it, i could care less sometimes! ^_^
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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love the beginning.
this is absoulty amazing. I really enjoyed reading it. -
I.
Piano keys are softly tapping as if it is
the background music of our arguements
good intro!
sad. relateable
hoping that i'll see your
reflection in the window behind me
ending was cliche though =[
still not too bad
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I LOVE IT!!!!!
WOW... THIS IS VERY POWERFUL!!!!!!! I love it, it is a very moving piece... kind of sad for the lost love, but it turns everything around when you say that you keep falling more and more in love with him.... keep on writing. This is a magnificantly beautiful peace.
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I appreciate the piece and the way you have it broken up -
I would suggest revising slightly, there are a lot of filler words that leave me with a feeling of marbles in my mouth
especially when there is so much potential inside the piece.
I do think that the first section was the strongest, from there it went a bit downhill -
still nicely done -
Thanks for entering this into my contest. I've never seen a writing style quite like yours before but I like it. I wish you much luck.
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This is a marvelous poem and I like the way you wrote it. Good luck in my contest.
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you could be a novelist. I see ability to put stories together here. Good luck in contest.
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This style suits you. I think you pulled it off very well.
Id be interested to reading the other styles youve tried. -
This is, as jamiedoring below states packed with emotion and I do like the connection between love and music. It's something I can particularly relate to as music is such an enormous part of my life. The feelings described are so raw and powerful they really encompass the regard the poetic voice has for its subject, he/she must really be loved. I'm not sure why a previous comment says that this isn't poetic, it's free verse surely? I'd definitely say it is and I feel the use of the confusing question mark in the last line is clever in creating a sense of ambiguity that doesn't need to be resolved. Excellent write, keep penning like this. Thanks for sharing such a thoughtful piece.
Cheers
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Wow, this is beautifully packed with emotion.
I love the rich metephore weaved within the simple telling....I think you balanced it perfectly.
This is an intriguing style and I truly enjoyed the flow and the way it read. There were 2 lines that stuck out to me (only because I read it several times,lol) where you seem to have either mis-spelled or mis-worded:
L18 - your arms and around me and shield me
L30 - its way through everything song i hear.
....all in all, quite an enjoyable read...Great job and goodluck in the contest!
Jamie
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Amazing!
This style is great and you did it with emotion, metaphor, symbolism, and finesse! Bravo!!! I loved it. I can relate to this as well, which made reading this beautiful piece all the more worthwhile. Great write dear. ~mandie~
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i enjoy reading it but i wouldn't say it poetic,
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and how is it not poetic?
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Wow!!!! Absolutely AMAZING, Dani!!!! Very well written, I loved it!!!! Good luck in the contest!!!!
~DAWN~
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I liked it. It felt honest. fyi, typo in line 5(im-I'm), line 14(of-off) and a few uncapitalized I's. I don't mean to nit-pick just thought it might hurt u in your contest. I really did like it though, I agree this style does seem very simple- in a good way that is. Um, ya is there any specific meaning in the piano? Ok, have a couple clappies
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the piano lol it has a purpose...i was in a musical mood i was listening to "Moonlight by beethoven" in my head...and so yeah its like the "background music" to any argument
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Thank you for your entry
Good luck in the contest
Blessings -
I think this is so full of emotion, it's spilling over. I really love the lines
With heavenly melodies twinkling in
the night...reminding me that we used
to be something special. I stare of in
the distance hoping that i'll see your
refelction in the window behind me.
Watching and waiting for you to wrap
your arms and around me and shield me
from whatever it is that harms me...
But then i snap back to reality and
open up my eyes to see that there is
no us, there is no we...just{{me}}
How often I've felt this same way. -
I love this and I can really feel the emotions and relate. This really pulled at my heartstrings. It's so sad but beautifully written. I love you way you described everything and I agree with you that I like this style. Wonderful job. I adore this.
x
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