There's a chapel in the forest
where, shining through the leaves
sun sifts the air for creatures
and glimmers off their wings.
Arches drape clematis vines
trailing fragrance to the ground
through rhododendron blossoms
lightly tossed around.
Lacy limbs curl fingertips
like delicate demitasse
and sunlight glows right through them
miming green cathedral glass.
I've seen glory in the paintings
of the Michaelangelo,
but luscious wooded raining
imprints halos in my soul
Should I lose the last stanza?
Comments
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"and gimmers off their wings" -- glimmers, perhaps? Anyway, lovely imagery.
You know, I hardly ever like rhyme done by postmodern/contemporary poets, but this was well done. You definitely have some command of metre and are literate enough (unlike 99% of AP members) to use so-called "big" words. I applaud your diction. There are some spots where the metre falters a little, but this is very good overall.
And the last stanza? I say keep it. That's just my opinion, so of course you don't need to regard it. Art by man is certainly beautiful, but nature has her own that is often just as inspiring.
-Cristina -
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Regarding The Chapel
Thanks for the little review...I really appreciate it as I'm having problems negotiating my way around this site. And yes, the word is supposed to be "glimmer" and since you pointed out my error I've tried to fix it. But am not finding a way to edit. Guess I'm just supposed to be perfect!
It's fun when somebody actually likes something you've posted.
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You'll learn soon enough. It's an easy site to navigate once you've played around with it for a while, and the moderators and greeters (look in the list on the right hand side of any page; it'll show what moderators/greeters are online) can help you with anything as simple as learning how to edit a poem.
To edit a poem, go to the poem's page. On the right hand side (top) there's a link only the author can see that says "edit." There's also an "edit background" link if you want to change the font or background colours. Just click the "edit" link, and from there you can change the poem, author's notes, categories the poem's in, or you can delete it. Hope that helps, and post some more poems!
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HA!
Done! I'm literate again since Glimmer has an "l"
Thanks
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Welcome to All Poetry
This is such a beautiful write that uses both amazing metaphors and imagery to add and bring life to this piece. it alows the reader to close their eyes and envision it all and it has such a soft beauty flowing throughout it. The last stanza as beautiful but it didnt seem to fit with the topic of the rest of the stanza's but it was still a stunning write
well done
Charlotte
Site Greeter -
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Thanks
I really appreciate your comments about The Chapel. I'm still thinking about that last stanza.
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
wow this is beautiful! I loved the words and imagery in this, it's like I was there! I must say the last stanza is a bit off, I wouldn't lose it, but probably rearange what you're trying to say maybe? I dunno, I thought it was a stunning piece! Keep it up, and welcome!
Blessings,
~Michaela~
Site Greeter
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I think you're right
Maybe I should just rearrange the last stanza of The Chapel. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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