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Words




Do fish ask themselves:
"What is this I'm breathing"
Of which are they more aware:
Their barriers, creek bed and river bank;
or their freedom that these boundaries contain?


When I was a child I couldn't imagine that air is "something".
I can look through it,
walk through it;
you can't hold it in your fingers:
How can air be "something"?


Words are like air.
They sit upon it.
They are like water.
From the day of birth
the flow like water all around,
ubiquitous,
almost imperceptible by their abundance.

I'm like a bass who sleeps in a deep cool pool,
barely aware
(except for an occasional eddy, or some
                                                       rapid unexpected)
of the depth,

or course

of that which is all around me.

 

 

 

 

Author notes



my inner wisdom

a nod and a wink to "Malibu"

In a list

A contest entry

Grammar: Proofreaders...to your red pencils!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11
  • carole21
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    nicely done . . inquisitive . . liked "Words are like air" and "They are like water" . . congrats on the trophy

  • Topnotchsy
    September 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice interesting write. Like the way you developed the idea a very interesting angle. Nice write.


  • just mercedes gold member
    August 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like this, words and water, elemental flow and awareness. Fish poems are good...


    • DogFish silver member
      August 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I guess this is the season of fish poems!


  • greencanoe
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    delightfully watery

    Because you ask for the red pencil, I would trade the ; for a comma after line 4. After "fingers" in line 9. In line 15 is it supposed to be they instead of the?
    Being an enthusiastic outdoors person, I liked this poem a lot. (and enjoy catching bass while playing with words)


  • Silent Cougar Moderators member
    August 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm like a bass who sleeps in a deep cool pool,
    barely aware
    (except for an occasional eddy, or some
    rapid unexpected)
    of the depth,

    or course

    of that which is all around me.

    these lines allow us to see what avenue you decided to take on the prompt. To knowingly accept that what is in front of us is indeed the unknown, a great thought there, well done.


  • Olivias Violin
    July 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Great!


  • Kari gold member
    July 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lol, this is really cool. I like your take on the prompt, and the use of words. I believe that you did very well, and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.

    Kari


  • obscenegesture
    July 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That's definetely some inner wisdom right there. It's all very well-described. I liked the use of 'elemental' imagery a lot, it adds a very serene feeling to the poem.


  • azure85 gold member
    July 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very cool description of inner wisdom, the use of water and words as something that flows from the inside out. I like this very much.


    • DogFish silver member
      July 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      ...unfortunatly, I often feel impermeable!

      thanks for your clap!

1 - 11 of 11