Our broken dishes shunning off glue
Three more wishes, and love is forever.
Holiday servants dying, as like attracts like
The food is for taking, and love is an exploding bicycle.
Three day weekends you spend weeding cement cracks
Your head first, my heart second, and love is forever.
Conterminously bent we can mutually absorb each other
When all has been savaged, and love's drunk on Mercury.
These standards of life now tempered to fit you
Your longing is rife, since love is something
That skipped over you, and duck duck goosed.
Now when I round the corner to where we once were?
We're not there at all, & I'm wondering if we ever were.
Author notes
Written January 5th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- *Love* by September.
300 points, ended November 22, 2004, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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umm i'm feeling sarcasm from this poem. don't know why. good stuff. oddly entertaining.
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I bet that Mercury hangover is a bitch!
I'd like to get duck duck goosed.
The last line was my favorite, because it really sums up that feeling we have once a relationship is over, and what's left of the memory feels like it never really happened at all. -
I like this poem alot. Gives of detail. Not to much, just right. Personally the exploding bicycle part was NOT my favorite, But the words "and love's drunk on Mercury." where, they just ran right off my tongue when I was readin this poem. Best wishes on writing. See yeahs.
Bambi Gray *poser* xox -
love is an exploding bicycle. lovely words yet again and with a sad undercurrent,great write...
Ashley x0x0x
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now horus here is the deal ..to eleminate the weeds from vement cracks, spread a mixture of bourbon and coke......may not kill the weeds...but the cement will be happy and small dogs will come frequently ..... I see Bohb has already talked to you about maintaing bicycle tire pressure...oh, yes, great write .....as always
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This is an excellent piece, a tribute to love lost and our own way of finding closure, if there is ever such a thing. I liked the metaphor of love as an exploding bicycle, so deceptively fun. The metaphor is sustained as you mention later of rounding the corner. I especially liked the fourth stanza, where you quite eloquently discussed the physicality of love, apropo, mutual absorption and love being drunk on mercury .
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I was messing around with deconstructing ghasels, and I've always had a thing for that movie "Harry and Maud". So I guess it's about a fantasy I have of becoming an old maid in a private school outfit.
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The crystal is hazy
If love is an exploding bicycle, then you're putting far too much pressure in the tyres and I shouldn't really do that if I were you. Not to mention the consideration of the seat shaft driving upwards, ripping through parts best left unmolested by metal shards.
Snide commentary aside, the overall piece lacks meaningful communication to my averagely-wired consumer-consumed brain. Not your fault I'm sure and how's that go, "I'm sure it means something to you."
The last stanza is very nice (but it's something ungreasy I can connect with) and it cranks over nicely in the thought dryer. I really like "Love is an exploding bicycle", but only because it's a really odd consideration and resists conclusions.
On the fifteenth read (I'm not really counting) I get a sense of a long-term relationship where passion is absent, but it's one of those low maintenance things that's easier to continue than end in a firestorm of emotional bombing. If I'm wrong, then there you are. -
love is an exploding bicycle. lovely words yet again and with a sad undercurrent.
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