The knave of love
came into my life
and jacked my heart
A contest entry
- Bitter Batter, Pitter Patter. come have a look-see! by sailor ptolema.
875 points, ended July 9, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Christ, cut down on all the blank space.
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While this is short, the words pack a punch! For some reason this reminds me of a cross between an (adult) nursery rhyme and Alice and Wonderland. But I thought the expansive space was a bit excessive. I know you were trying to make a point at the bitter emptiness, but you have to be careful with the amount of empty space.
Thank you for this this short and tart entry
and g'luck!
S.P.~
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