Propane, Gasoline.
Coal, Mining. Asteroid hits.
Lizerd men evolve.
Author notes
The disclaimer:
"I understand that entering this competition could be the spring board to fame and ultimately being fabulously wealthy and hounded by the paparazzi. On the other hand it could also attract the most God awful bollocking from the judges who may have mistaken my masterpiece for a piece of *bunny*. If this be the case, I promise, that if I enter this comp I waive my right to complain to moderators or owner, or to ticket the judges about the appallingly disrespectful critique it may attract.
I also promise I will cut and paste this disclaimer into the author’s notes (no where else so don’t ask) or I will take my poem and piss off. I also promise that should my masterpiece have won gold before this comp is judged, the judges will kindly piss this entry off for me, without even a howdy-do or a kiss goodbye."
A contest entry
- Free toilets! (for lack of a better title) by Reset Button.
2500 points, ended August 3, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
is it good?
Comments
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It is difficult to establish an outstanding haiku that would stand out in gleaming brilliance to place. In matters of execution, the concept was not overlooked although there is a spelling error “Lizerd”. Also, I wanted to read the second line as coal-mining instead of two separate thoughts.
In looking at this further, it began to make less sense, as mining and such did not take place until after evolutions/evolving. It would probably make more sense to my thought pattern if you used the word “devolve.”
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hmmmm...I counted 3 times and came up with 17 syllables each time. The disclaimer was a bit over the top. The haiku... interesting comment on humanity.
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Don’t haikus have 17 syllables and preferably no spelling mistakes?
Most of the time I can’t stand haikus – every now and then one will catch me off guard with its brilliance but that is incredibly rare. I looked at this and my immediate thought, “If it stops writing like this, bring on that asteroid!” This piece has a nice sentiment re man’s greed and all consuming ways and how small and fragile we really are in the scheme of things but next time don’t bring your pet mouse to “Best in Show”
David
PS - Lizard
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