My life is very odd
Must be a sign from God
The things I've seen
More then obscene
Like lightening to the rod
Hellish Insane Visions
stalked my father in to death
though admittedly at the end he did conquer
them for that was not what took him to rest
a massive stroke said the doctors
though I don't believe a word they say
for if they knew all they pretended
he would be here today
Carniverous Animalistic Negligent Conventionally Enigmatic Ritualistic
self inflicted torture
gripped my mother by the breast
trying to spread its hate filled seed throughout
the rest
but the doctors caught it
though they tried to take more
alas they did not
and removed only what they came for
and today she stands
relatively fine
and most of the fear and worry is mine
for if two of the worlds worse perils
can find their way in to our lives
how do I know with out her existence
I will not be forced to survive
he is gone
and she is left
and all I keep thinking is that
I will lose her next
JayLynn
Copyright 2004 All Rights Reserved
Author notes
Kind of a continuation of "The One I'll Lose Next." General synopsis in case it was missed. My father had HIV though that is not what he died from. My mother is a breast cancer survivor. I just always thought it was odd to have both happen in my family...
Written January 5th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Overcoming Obstacles by pulsating.
425 points, ended January 10, 2004, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Well deserving of the win! I enjoyed the acrostics...and I was touched by the emotion contained in this write. Thanks for sharing!
Naena
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thats so painful...i love it. you deserve the win =)
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Excellent
A very gripping poem. I always find this type of poetry most interesting. Free-flowing, some rhyme and rhythm, full of personal emotion, and filled with truths no one can deny.
There is one spelling error and a couple of other words you should look at from a spelling standpoint. In the fourth line of the first stanza, "more then obscene" should read "more thAn obscene".
In the second line of the second stanza, "stalked my father in to death" perhaps "in to" should be "into"...only a suggestion.
In the fourth line of the third stanza, "trying to spread its hate filled seed through out" "through out" should be one word.
Thsi is a really terrific poem and I hope you do well in this contest!
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wow...this is amazing...I like how you included acrostics within this piece...that is a lot to go through in one family...especially having such major illnesses in both your parents...I wish your dad had made it like your mother...but life never goes the way you expect...and hopefully the cancer won't resurface...my grandma has it...or I think they removed it all...but who knows...we also lost a dear friend of my family (my mom's best friend) to breast cancer a few years ago...that shit is everywhere...keep ya eyes open cuz it is supposedly sposed to run in the family...ugh...just one more thing to worry bout eh? ANywayz...you did another wonderful job expressing your pain and worries in this and it is definitely quite the obstacle to overcome!
Much Love to you
~~T~~ -
This is horrific. The way you have been tested. Wow. what a wonderful expression of your woes. Truly an excellent write!~Good luck in the contest and thank you for entering, Olivia
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aww, sweetie, thats so sad. but i love the way the acronyms are flawless.. great job.
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