When you and I were young and so in love,
we could not see beyond our selfish needs,
and so for others never would make room.
Confined within our solitary room,
we thought that we had found a perfect love--
a love profound, peculiar to our needs.
Oh, we were foolish then and thought our needs
were special: hidden from the world, a room
wherein we'd worship at the shrine of love.
Older now, at last we know--love needs room.
A contest entry
- Tritina by Warrior-Eagle.
700 points, ended August 25, 14 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I think this is actually true,
sometimes we need to learn how to give others
their own space even when we love them.
The form,you did a great job.
...Simply Me♥ -
Nice poem, Bill. For me, it has an echo of A Shropshire Lad. Here's the poem it reminds me of. Hope you enjoy it. Keep up the Good Work
XIII. "When I was one-and-twenty..."
by A. E. Housman (1859-1936)
When I was one-and-twenty
I heard a wise man say,
'Give crowns and pounds and guineas
But not your heart away;
Give pearls away and rubies
But keep your fancy free.'
But I was one-and-twenty,
No use to talk to me.
When I was one-and-twenty
I heard him say again,
'The heart out of the bosom
Was never given in vain;
'Tis paid with sighs a plenty
And sold for endless rue.'
And I am two-and-twenty,
And oh, 'tis true, 'tis true.
Best Wishes. K.
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I love both the message and delivery of this piece. Your words grasp at one's own perception's of love, or it did me. 'Love needs room' brilliant title and ending. How perfectly true.


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Wow, Bill, this is a good wee thing. Line three seems a tadge awkward, but... nah... never mind, it all hangs together really nicely!


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...a love so profound...
"Make it short and say it once, no need to speak it twice
No matter how the Truth goes in, it comes out as Advice" Emvyar
I can't even add a comment to the wisdom in this poem, except that hindsight is so much easier to see...
~Karen


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Love takes its own course ...
and as the relationship matures, it gives enough room ... But you know, that very special initial time, hidden from the world, is of cardinal importance to get to know each other ...
Loved this poem.
Blessed be.
Myra


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Quite complex, some parts read better than others - i don't think that is an error on your part, in fact, the language and grammar is well used throughout - just some parts were a little hard going - last line of the first verse, i am sure it is me - The second verse I really liked, i liked the last line a lot, something about tht line on its own really appealed to me.
Again, like the separate last line - works well.
A good piece, you have packed a lot in here - yet it has a very clear message, a sense of polish about this one.
James

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