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Out of Line



Laid on top of every uncovered sheet is a lie
Like we are stepping on dry ice


Allowing our bodies to strike with sweet melodies
We collide, I just want to keep you close to me tonight


We have the time
Then we realize...





This is wrong.





We slide across the universe
Acting like friends,









And nothing more.









Author notes

Picture and Quote prompt.

"Love is friendship set on fire."
~Jeremy Irons

Image credit:
http://girltripped.deviantart.com/art/Rising-Thunder-41953523


Written: July 06,2008


just getting to close...

A contest entry

Your thoughts? [Reward: double points]

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • The Silent Mind
    August 28

    Edit | Reply

    Great !

    Like the idea , pretty fresh i suppose , and its good to know that there are still people who consider the right and wrong , and now for the critique :
    1 - Liked the way you described the lovers as a lie , pretty strong and true "As I understand"
    2 - ' we have the time , then we realize " is a little shabby , because , if you have the time .. you won't realize so soon , if you know what i mean ..
    3 - The rest is well written with no flaws .
    like it , and keep on writing

    . Rewarded 6


  • einsof
    August 9

    Edit | Reply
    ...'and nothing more.' i assume you have to find a way to make that enough, or face serious emotional debt. a lot of space in the poem and well in the persons.

    • Chrysalis
      August 10
      Edit | Reply
      I'm already in emotional debt... it got a lot more complicated now.... Thanks for comprehending.

      The spaces could convey that I'm trying my best to keep the distance. Which could mean two things: that I hate the person or that I'm totally scared to fall completely for that person.

  • nature
    July 31

    Edit | Reply

    Afire

    In love and call yourselves friends.
    What when the fire burns and the ashes you see away from each others world.
    Unite this fire with love and feel its magic glow
    Congrats.

    . Rewarded 4


  • TyrannyForestFairy
    July 14

    Edit | Reply

    ..::Lovely::..

    Stunning poem once again! Gorgeous concept that is yet somewhat sad in coming to terms with reality but wonderful in the way that you can interprett it into a piece of art that is done exceptionally well. I like the technique of how you have seperated the lines as the piece progresses. Nice job, keep it up!

    ~Emily~ xx

    . Rewarded 6


    • Chrysalis
      July 14
      Edit | Reply
      The line seperation thing was just a little experiment... very random. I didn't like it though I really fell this way at the mo. ^^

  • pulsating
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    this is short and sweet. it's melodical, thank you for the comment on the last cigarette..


    • Chrysalis
      July 13
      Edit | Reply
      thank you!
      Yes, I did like that poem. It reminded me of giving in and finally succeeding triumphantly.
      blessed be

  • PrabhuDayal Khattar gold member
    July 13

    Edit | Reply
    may be the end which is described is simple truth ..but the begining is a universal truth ..I love this piece...well done..and my thanks for sharing it...my friend..

  • poet2angels silver member
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    Wow so unique and beautifully written
    TY for entering

    Lynda

1 - 10 of 10