Pack a bowl
read about Russia
write erotica
with your best friend
in mind
...watch the lightning
burn black birds
in mid-flight
forget
the music was never yours
to dance to.
In a list
A contest entry
- a bird falls into the sea by hilly.
1000 points, ended July 20, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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this piece is somewhat provoking, though I like that!
Simple words, yet they follow each other with strength and care. I loved that!
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This is a very deep and dark sort of write. I am impressed and rather chilled. The imagery...*shudders again*..."with your best friend in mind" & "burn black burds in mid-flight"--simple ideas that really make this poem come to life in my mind. Especially the last line; edging into depressing...and always beautiful.
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Beautiful. This was both rich and steeped in melancholy. I felt this to the bone.
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burn black birds
in mid-flight
i like that a lot, although for some reason the last few lines kinda let me down. i don't know, they just didn't do it for me i guess. but everything before that, was good. -
i admire your work more and more. this is great.
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I am so honored to have a poet such as yourself leave such a wonderful comment. Thank you very very much Love, Lane
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As Mairi states, you weave fragments together
to throw a beautiful, poetic cape around us.
Blue
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nice and so unique. I love how you wrote this. I love your many styles. Best of luck in the contest.
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Fast, hard hitting and not fully the truth in my opinion. The music is yours to dance to.
Love,
Amera♥
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(I am a few pages into "Slouching towards Nirvana" and am beginning to understand)
But this is you. I don't understand how these fragments can be a whole poem, but nevertheless they are. I read, and re-read, and re-read.
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Good stuff.
Taut and a tad disturbing.
"...the music was never yours to dance to ..."
sounds like a curse revealed.
Thanks for this.
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My Lady
Can ya share the bowl,
keep the book. . .
let me read your words
maybe that's why they're black
Hell, I don't dance anyway
so I don't listen to
...their music.
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Ok takes my piece and runs away to hide waving a white flag
Love, C
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You never have any reason to run and hide your words.
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Wow...I've packed a bowl or two in my day, I've even partied with Russians. I love your unique poetic style Lane. *sigh*
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and yes, an excellent write, penned by insightful emotion
and painted upon your mind's canvas of raw nature.
Salute! -
Ahhhhhh....but if it were the music of the storm, it is for us all to dance to for such music is felt, not heard.
The primal beat of thunder, the heat and brightness of lightning...quickening one's inner spirit to join the wind through the yellow pines and Pecans. For if one does not dance to Nature's beat, one simply does not dance at all?
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Dear Poetess
Nobody I know dances as well as you to the sweet rhythm of life. You see every note and quaver of the score and your poetry dances with the sheer joy of it.
Love, Peter
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oh my, this was a really neat poem!!!!!!!!!!!... I had to sit and let the words sink in..... great write!!!!
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I agree with prophet of 3 here - this is one of those writes that has been too thinned out. I would especially like to see an "in" added to blackbirds in mid-flight. The finality of the last line is as sad as Siberia.
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Close your eyes
see your best friend
And know
the music is all yours
Thought provoking
Have fun!
Jeff
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I found this to be a very unique write. It really makes the reader think about so many things.
Great writing... Good luck in the contest.
Soulful Woman -
...or you could consciously decide to light a candle, instead of curse the darkness...much more challenging and even enlightening.
AP Message of the day:
"Either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool or you go out in the ocean."
-Christopher Reeve
Love, Paul
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the fragments are a great tool, written well, but add some "and" and "in" and 1 "that" ... would be a great f'ing write ...
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