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Budweiser Ballet

He dances for his mates,
down at the bar.
Leaping, Pirouetting;
out-dancing the other brutes.

He arrives home,
well after midnight;
his dancing shoes and tu-tu still on

Gracefully leaping up the stairs,
the smell of cheap beer
on his breath.
I lock myself in the quiet safety of my room.

The screams of mom,
          My lullaby
But in the morning;
          We'll just call it daddie's Budweiser ballet.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • reinhardt-napoleon
    August 2
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    Wow, by the way just noticed that you are only 14! This work is even more amazing considering your age. I thought you were an adult, like 30+
    Keep that great way of writing!
    Greets, Jo
  • reinhardt-napoleon
    August 2

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, amazing. In the beginning I thought, Huh? What categories does that belong to? Then I read "Abuse" and the end of the poem...
    You have chosen your words very well, perfectly better to say. LittleAnn is right, "The screams of mom, My lullaby" are also my favorite lines. Well not favorite in I-like-that-because-the-content-is-great but more in I-like-that-because-the-words-chosen-are-amazing.
    Little remark:
    3rd stanza, 2nd line: "The smell the [of?] cheap beer"
    Great sad job!
    I hope this isn't based on a true story.
    Jo


  • LittleAnn
    August 2
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, touching. Brilliantly done, you have some amazing phrases in this one, e.g.
    "The screams of mom,
    My lullaby"
    I like that one very much, and also the contrast of "gracefully" and "the smell of cheap beer".

    Really sad, I hope you haven't experienced anything like that yourself.

    Keep on writing!
    Annie


  • frecklez
    July 7

    Edit | Reply
    This is wonderful. I loved every line of it.Each word you chose worked perfectly to enhance the feeling that this drunken man is competely opposite of a ballerina-"brute" especially.
    Lovely write. Thanks for sharing this.


  • OneWickedJuggalette
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is very cute and a great poem to fit the title well done I really like it. I stumbled in some places but it just adds to the piece Thank you for the entry and the best of luck to you in the contest.
1 - 5 of 5