Where the crunch of dead leaves fallen
would be heard if only one living soul
were to walk into her wintry park,
sits despondency in femine form
wrapped in bitter sackcloth
roped at the waist,
awaiting a Spring never coming
on the heals of womanly withering,
where black ravens nest in the breast,
pecking hungrily at the heart flesh remaining,
loud bursts croaking from blood-stained beaks:
in the gray desolation of silence,
he still calls to her.
Author notes
based on Peter Lindbergh's bitter photo...hope this nibbles on you a bit.
A contest entry
- Bitter Batter, Pitter Patter. come have a look-see! by sailor ptolema.
875 points, ended July 9, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
excellent
where black ravens nest in the breast,
pecking hungrily at the heart flesh remaining,
loud bursts croaking from blood-stained beaks:
in the gray desolation of silence,
imagery is excellent.You did a great job in crafting this pretty peice.I loved reading it.Please visit some of my poetry as well. -
You made your words very visual. That alone makes it worth reading. It's short, sweet(in a very morbid way) and to the point. Well done.
-
Oh, this just reeks of bitterness. A great take on the prompt. The imagery is very blunt and clear, and you can imagine what is going on without including the picture, always a plus.
I Loved: "pecking hungrily at the heart flesh remaining,">>>.This was the most powerful line to me. And I like the way you don't talk about the heart in a cliche way. Your inclusion of "flesh" is more gruesome and quite original, it adds to her pain.
Thank you for entering my contest and g'luck!
S. P. ~
-
-
The heart flesh line is for sure the best, I have to agree. I thought this poem was somehow more staggering than you eventually judged it to be, but it's your contest. After working with the picture the lines began coming, and I was immersed in this scene and felt the poem, especially the title that arose out of it, hinted not only at the birds in the picture, but also at the abject hunger that comes with bitter lonliness. Compared to the roughly rhymed gold winner, I felt this poem rocked. Maybe this was too gruesome, but I felt you wanted something edgy and dark, and I felt this entry had that. I really enjoyed this contest and the photo you provided was very striking and inspiring...for that, I thank you! Aloha!
-
-
Good one!
This one is a bit scary with the birds pecking away but you did an super job again! Brilliant visual description. THANKS and good luck in the contest!!
-
-
Thank you for that vote of confidence! Yes, it is gruesome, my friend. Sorry!
-
-
How do you put the picture with the poem??? Well, at least you can put the poem to music, and you do it rather well if I do say so myself. Don't believe me, listen at www.nakedadam.net
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
