I was always
this little boy,
looking up
my knees
are sore,
asking
for guidance
still,
my beggars
cup…
is empty
how callous
could it be?
having these
...feelings...
of being,
left out
Author notes
Bitter
A contest entry
- Bitter Batter, Pitter Patter. come have a look-see! by sailor ptolema.
875 points, ended July 9, 2008, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
Very well done!
Emotionally driven, you did a wonderful job of seeing through someone else's eyes. You earned your silver from a poet that I respect.
-
Oooo, I felt this one! The power of "still, my beggar's cup... " and I like how you emphasized "...feelings..." it cuts through the middle. I also liked the pairing of sore knees with the later callousness of others.
Congratulations on the silver.
Marlene
-
Congrats!
-
-
Oh Thank you
-
-
I really liked this. You tell a strong tale of bitterness, at what seems to be a lack of faith in God. And you tell it with such simple language that I really like. It's not tangled up in extreme metaphors and excessive use of adjectives. And the ending, is great.
"of being,
left out">>>such plain words, but they are just brimming with bitterness.
Thank you for entering my contest. And g'luck!
S. P.~
-
Mally, keep 'em coming. God, you are so good. Love, Lane
-
-
I cant keep up with you...
-
-
Malli, you touch me deeply with your gracious words. Very well penned my friend. Good luck to you in the contest.
Kelli
-
PERFECT MATCH FOR THE CONTEST,
CREATIVE AS ALWAYS
A BIT SAD
BUT TALENT GALORE
GOD BLESS ALWAYS..
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
