There it was a guy always lost in thoughts
The sweetest of the college and a sweet heart
Thirsty for smile and have fed up of crying
Sits so silent in class but have a lot in the heart
With the taste of charming deeds and lips of smile
And innocent eyes which he always hide
No one knows why he likes to put them out of sight
Yes, his fear which makes the thoughts blind
The unknown mystery hidden in him self
Will always be a messy question for others
The one who can reply this question
Could be the one who is different from others
By A.Ghani Shahzaib
The poet of hearts and beautiful words
The one who lives in hearts!
Friend for friends
Author notes
COLLEGE
Thats me, The most Sweetest of the College..... missing my college alot...
A contest entry
- Teens & Young Adults by DAMSELx.
300 points, ended August 30, 122 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
hummz,, i was just checking the new contest... saw this one exact suitable with my this Poem
Comments
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you've created a good piece here. as far as grammar goes, i'll just leave tips by line since you noted that you'd like some help with that. line 1: "there [he] was". line 2: sweetheart usually goes as one word in that sense. ln. 3: smiles instead of smile wuld probably make more sense, as well as fed up with crying instead of 'of'. line 4: sits silent[ly] and 'has' a lot 'of' heart. line 5: smiles again instead of smile. line 6: 'hides' too. line 9: himself as one word. hope that's helpful, i'm not trying to be to critical as you have a good idea behind this. best wishes
shadowly -
im really glad it doesnt rhyme it makes more sense to me it really personal i love i
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oooooo this was a great poem .......reallly cool......and yes some grammer mistakes were there magar bohot hi acha likha tumne......keep writing....and congrats you are in my favourite list.....
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I shall come and reply.. abhi tu raat beet chuki hai
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I shall come and reply.. abhi tu raat beet chuki hai
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I shall come and reply.. abhi tu raat beet chuki hai
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WOW! Well I'm only 11 years so I don't really get it but it's real good anyway...
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humz.. when you will become 19 year old naa.. so you will understand this piece comepltely and this will just fill fire in you
byebye
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ur first stanza has some serious issues with the language barrier there and u need to revise it to make it inot something that makes sense....the middle stanza is very well, and only a couple grammatical errors, and then the last stanza also includes issues with the language barrier...fairly good write anyway.
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it was very good, especially for english not being your first language. can i ask what your other language is?
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Well it was not difficult to follow
I think we are all like that at some point in our lives....God knows I can relate to that.
Nice piece.. -
thiswas interesting. a bit hard to follow at first, maybe it was the style of the poem or merely the pace. nice job none the less.
. Rewarded 4
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Very good.
This is pretty good, just work on your punctuation.
Nothing else really matters that much.
English is flexible. Very good description, good write & pretty good spelling to say that you're first language isn't English.
. Rewarded 4
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i love this poem.... its a great read. i love how you described the guy... it was a great write keep up the great writing.
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lets see, work on your grammar,there are a couple of places that just don't flow because of it. Other than that I see no problems. Keep it up
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Thats pretty good, you should keep writing and I'll keep commenting ^
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Ohh Thank you so much...
and thanks for appreciations
love and regards
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I like it
But you should do more reading and compare how different writer put there sentences together.
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Beautiful.
This is an awesome poem, it reminded me of some friends of mine. I loved the emotion of it, and think you did wonderfully. =D -
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Ohh Thank you so much... and thanks for appreciations
love and regards
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a mess of thought's will make some one allwase ask about another the one person whom keeps to themself there thoughts run of there past and how they got hear of there loves and some of there missory i perfer to draw or write or even read normaly and that ish one way you can allwase spot them the new ones the chaotic ones who deam of thing no one will ever think of great write i loved it
. Rewarded 8
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Impressive... Seems like you have the same habbits
ehehe
Ohh Thank you so much... and thanks for appreciations
love and regards
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I found nothing wrong with this poem at all... this is an amazing write..
♥always Katie
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Ohh Thank you so much... and thanks for appreciations
love and regards
ehehehe.. thanks
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I thought this was very impresive of you to write this when you sent me the note. I only see something wrong with the first stanza...
" There he was, a guy always lost in thoughts
The sweetest of the college and a sweet heart
Thirsty for ( depending on if you want it singular or plural "a smile" or "smiles" ) and fed up of crying
Sits so silent in class but has alot in the heart"
Minor common mistakes, you did very well in my opinion. Nice write, and best of luck in the contest
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Ohh Thank you so much... and thanks for appreciations
love and regards
I really have no words to say thanks to you
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Its really nice.
Very well planed.
I like it.
Good luck in Contest!*
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Someone Lost In Thoughts
There he was a guy always lost in thought,
the sweetest of the college yet he seemed lost.
Thirsty for smile and fed up with crying,
sits alone in class with a heart thats stopped trying.
Hidden tears across his face yet we see him sying
With a taste of charming deeds and lips that never smiles,
and innocent eyes which he always hides all the while.
No one knows why he chooses to shut out the light,
No one knows why he so stays blind to life.
The unknown mystery hidden within himself,
Always a question asked by others.
Is it my neglect and my uncareing ways,
that keeps him so lost within different from all others .
You have a good piece here and you can leave it the way you wrote it for it is your style and I respect that .Or here is a few tips that may bring it into a clearer focus . It wont hurt my feelings at all which ever way you decide .
. Rewarded 8
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Ohh Thank you so much... and thanks for appreciations
love and regards
Loved you efforts on my poem alot.. right now there is some work at home .. but i will come back and i shall reply you in detail
loved your comment alot
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nice
nicely penned . . since you asked, you might want to check your verbs and make him self one word such as himself . . liked "No one know why he likes to put them out of sight" and "Could be the one who is different from others" . . good luck in the contest !!
. Rewarded 6
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Ohh Thank you so much... and thanks for appreciations
love and regards
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intresting each soul has something hidden within themselves the only job is finding it sometimes I feel my hidden self changing when people think that they are close finding the true me... someone and himself are both one word the more you write the better you write and one more thing good luck
love the rev papa
. Rewarded 6
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Ohh Thank you so much... and thanks for appreciations
love and regards
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great
i thought this was a fabulous piece of poetry. Raven is right the more you write then the better your English will surely get. But you did a very good job with this one
. Rewarded 4
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Ohh Thank you so much... and thanks for appreciations
love and regards
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this was something amazing, i think you did a great job on this poem, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest.
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Ohh Thank you so much... and thanks for appreciations
love and regards
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I think this write is well written and expressed.
Well done, the more you write the more you'll improve on your English.
Don't give up!
Love and Light. -
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Ohh Thank you so much... and thanks for appreciations
love and regards
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