He stares at the world through the glass he has drained
And thinks that he really might die
Relations just lately were getting quite strained
She's left him for some other guy
He gave her the best of his love and his cash
She gave him good times every week
She took all his money, now she's made a dash
The future is nothing but bleak
He asks the bar tender to pour him some more
And he thinks of the times that they had
The way that she used him to pay every store
With promise of being "So Bad!"
She drained him, then dumped him and left for the next
He gulped down the last of his drink
He looks at his phone and her last loving text
And wonders what he ought to think
His life had been happy with friends and a wife
She stole them along with his heart
His back was the target of love's fatal knife
That woman has torn him apart
But you know, and I know, that later this year
Our hero will stumble once more
Another will find him and use him I fear
Then leave him like dirt on the floor
Author notes
Still needs work, and it is just a story!!! Prompt was "bitter"
A contest entry
- Bitter Batter, Pitter Patter. come have a look-see! by Sailor Ptolema.
875 points, ended July 9, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Ah! A love scorned. I love the imagery you've created with this. I can picture this poor unfortunate soul, slumped over in a dimly lit bar, trying to drink his bitterness away. This poem is very relatable.
I love that the last stanza just brings full circle the hopeless bitter cycle he will continue to be a part of.
Thank you for entering my contest!
And g'luck!
S.P.~
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Pretty good work in progress.
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well done.
One can relate to this one.
Hmm Interesting story line.
Good luck
love
Passions
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A sad tale but a realistic one.Some are hooked on booze, some on women and some both.Good story , Ros
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This was great to read and it gets better at each verse-fact of life though for some-out of the frying pan...this one got chucked out of it.
xxx Bumpy -
For some strange reason I kept hearing Sinatra singing 'set em up joe'...you do sad very well in rhyme. Love, C
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Damn, contest wants bitter
Even I have to have a change from Schmultz from time to time!
Thanks for the compliment
Jeff
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nice work with a strong ending jeff. Though it's sounds a little like a work in progress, lines 4 and 7 need your attention because of the way the words fall, but enjoyed it anyway.
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