eyes heavy
im tired but im not far from inspired
as dreams peel their way through the cracks in my mind
misty figures dance before me
the wash of deepest deltas form the visions entwined
Faeries play and waves crash
i am swept away to a time of peace and tranquility
suns rays warm me
dancing in the sand i roam the paths of mystery
the drums ensue
he has found his way through
my faith in turmoil fights for my attention
like a shadow of light
again the dark one has taken my dreams
black before my mind
fighting what is mine into an abyss
forced to comply
then left alone with my pain
he has staked a claim
in my deepest calm
chaos ripped
silence
i
Author notes
this is my favorite of my writes because i tried to create the feeling in both words and shape about a recurring nightmare i have when Satan steals my dreams and wakes me up feeling invaded, alone and frightened. when i have the dream inside the dream it feels like i have no control over the outcome like im not even safe in my dreams. hope you like it as much as i hate that dream.
A contest entry
- Welcome ladies and Gents by RawrSmileBabyPlz.
450 points, ended July 11, 2008, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dirty Pretty, anyone?♥ by innocence jaded.xx.
575 points, ended July 28, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My Favorite Nightmare by breedluv.
1500 points, ended July 21, 2008, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AP's Best Prewrites by lowercase prelude.
800 points, ended July 22, 2008, 75 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITTEN POEMS!!!!! by kavi22.
450 points, ended August 5, 2008, 138 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your favorite Prewrite by SignifyingNothing.
875 points, ended August 9, 2008, 112 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Shadows by Danna Hobart.
390 points, ended October 12, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prompt Contest No Word Or Line Limit... by mysticstorm.
650 points, ended November 10, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Nicely done in form and depth...very chilling thoughts from a dream that turns to a nightmare over and over again...very interesting and creative...
thank you for sharing.
mystic -
Tremendous Work!
YES! A dream within a dream! WOW! This is a fantastic, phantasmagorical poem! You're not haunted by Satan, alone! I think you have written an extremely interesting, deep and some what dark poem with this one! I must study it more! Very good work, my dear!
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Thanks for entering.
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I think that this is amazing be well
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This is amazing! I never knew I liked Dirty Pretty. Like you, I thought it was erotic/porn. Go figure. Want to hear something really scary? I have had that same dream. I'll be in my room sleeping (actually dreaming of sleeping), then I'll feel a presence, a terrible presence, and I'll dream that the room is shaking and something terrible is haunting me. God, I hate those dreams!! I never encountered anyone with dreams like that before. Very scary. I love this poem and it has great imagery. Drop me a line after the contest, I'd love to chat.
More comments- the first stanza:
im tired but im not far from inspired
as dreams peel their way through the cracks in my mind
misty figures dance before me
the wash of deepest deltas form the visions entwined
Love the repetition of the "i." also how you start and end with an i. This seems like it hasn't gotten the trophies it deserved. Nice job.
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This is a very good "insight" into YOU! I hope that through what's occurring, you will FINALLY come to see your need of the REAL JESUS....OF THE BIBLE! He loves you, but he HATES this "darkness" you speak of, and that darkness is not mainly in Satan, but in YOUR OWN HEART! And he wants to FREE YOU FROM THAT, but you must believe HIS WORD, not YOUR OWN MIND! God bless you as you SEEK HIM!
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Very creative! I like the form you used, although I'm not partial to dirty pretty, but you have done it well.
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thanxu
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i like the imagery your words paint. how the reader has the ability to "feel" the darkness.
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*whistles in amazement*
Now, that was deep! That first stanza really was classic. Great vision there. Real good, young poet.
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Wow, I really liked this form of dirty-pretty. It was a very creative way to look at it.
"im tired but im not far from inspired
as dreams peel their way through the cracks in my mind
insipid figures dance before me
the wash of deepest deltas form the visions entwined"
I absolutely LOVED those lines. Thank you so much for entering & I wish you the best of luck !! ♥ -
too abstract in some ways...>
i like the write overall but i had to read it a few times to make the real lines match up to find the flow that i found after a few tries... it seems to me that if you are going to roll with the poem being centered in the middle there should have been more seeming "life" words leading each line into the other. it seems confusing with so many short lines interspersed with long ones.. i get it and understand the dark one touching sporadically and being the end meaning but there should be a little more here somewhere it seems to as the poem does lead ultimately to the being that is just you.
does that make any sense? i may just be crazy ya know
peace to you-
-dev
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"
Faeries play and waves crash
i am swept away to a time of peace and tranquility
suns rays warm me
dancing in the sand i roam the paths of mystery
the drums ensue
he has found his way through
my faith in turmoil fights for my attention
like a shadow of light
again the dark one has taken my dreams" so very well written I liked the whole thing. Thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
Shelly -
Oh My Gosh!!!
This is a stupendously incredible creation you have right here!!! the imagery, the flow, the rhyme, just completely blow me away!!!
There are a couple of typos in the third line "there" I think should be "their"? and in the sixth line "Faries" should be "Faeries"? not sure...lol, anyways, makes no difference because this is a truly glorious poem and I thank you most heartily for sharing your wonderful creation!
Luck. -
WOW!
This is so wonderful. You're an amazing writer dear and you always seem to inspire me. I love your writings. They are relatable and they tell the most brilliant stories. The dirty/pretty makes this wonderful.
It reminds me slightly of something i'd write. I love that style.
The useage of "I" ..is brilliant. I've got to say.
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so thats what dirty pretty is
thanxu
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Haha
You're very welcome. It's one type of it,yes. They way there is no punctuation, the way you have a design with your words. =] Yess.. -
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i thought it was like dirty erotic dirty like bad stuff with
in it
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-laughs-
Niiiice. no, that's not it at all. =]
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YAY im dirty pretty
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That, you are. haha.
Now i'm writing..look what you've done! haha. -
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ive unlocked the power of your dirty pretty YAY
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hahaha
Niiice. =] It's like the force. Oh yes. -
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may the dirty pretty be with you
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HAHAHA!!!!
OMG that's the funniest thing, EVER.
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