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bottom of the ninth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

the winning players drank
champagne then thanked
jesus for their victory

and rightfully so

brought in to pinch hit

with bases loaded
and two outs in the ninth

he drove in the winning runs
like moneychangers
from a temple

the sleeves of his robe gathered

at the elbow
he ripped that fastball
like he knew it was coming

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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1 - 12 of 12

  • Exit-Stage-Right
    October 30, 2008

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    You've got a good triple play going here: irony, creativity, and originality... but the wording in the following strophe

    he drove in the winning runs
    like moneychangers
    from a temple

    The top and bottom lines repel each other like similarly polarized bar magnets.
    It's too bad that the baseball terminology isn't "drove out the winning runs". "Out" compliments "from" as "in" compliments "to". (Hey, whaddaya know? I think I actually discovered a legitimate sentence where it's OK to end on a preposition!)

    If you could say:

    he drove out the winning runs
    like moneychangers
    from a temple

    it would sound great, but that would bollocks your point.

    Am I nitpicking?


    • blur
      October 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      lol... yes you are (only kidding)

      i thought about those lines myself and found a place where i'm ok with it, the point was how forceful and efficient he was in driving out the money changers and was similarly so in driving in the runs... its the best i could do but it lets me sleep at night...lol

      it's pretty light hearted so i'm cutting myself some slack...lol

      thanks


      blur

  • tara wilson gold member
    July 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I have been waiting for something new by you...and then checked here, and found this one...I really need to fave you here..

    I think this poem might be a bit of a high line drive over my head ..lol... it's so funny, at first, this immediately made me think of the fixed world series '19 & other ones that people claim were fixed....I don't know why, maybe celebrating, moneychangers...but anyways...

    yes, of course he knew it was coming...also makes me think of visualization & I love the mood/tone of excitement here...too bad someone like this couldn't always be brought in when we need them...sometimes in life, this happens, though, in this case, they see him as their 'savior' ...

    a sweet spot of a poem - great imagery in the last stanza





  • Grunts Girl gold member
    July 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    leaves me wondering what the heck will happen if a home run is hit
    well shit.. yeah.. i drank a whole bottle of wine tonight at a beautiful dinner and the hubby is in bed and i am wide awake mad since well... he said I get too affectionate..
    fudge him...
    so here i sit reading..
    about jesus and baseball and
    all i want is someone to feel me up to third base
    *gonna go hide now*

  • Suzanne Dia
    July 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply


    oh i love this
    jesus at the bat
    swing batter batter batter...saaaaaaaaaaaaaawing.

    and it's outta there!




  • IronIcecream
    July 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    what were they playing?
    I guess not bridge
    Jesus would not play baseball
    because of the raising bats

    maybe soul monopoly
    because it (supposedly) excludes moneychangers


    p.s. there's only one thing a god would not do for his followers: save them from himself


  • mantis180
    July 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahhh stunning, I bask once again in the awesomeness that is your poetry... (Bout time thankyou )

    I like the baseball angle- champagne and thanking jesus, I had to reread the first part again, Jesus... at first I wondered if you were going for an angle where the guy's name was Jesus- instead of Jesus himself... really random I know, but as I continued... I like the descriptiveness- his sleeves...

    Just one question is all I got... whats a monkeychanger? 0.0

    • blur
      July 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      LOL... I would imagine a monkeychanger would be the person who changes the diapers of a pet monkey, I was referring to moneychangers..


  • Cat gold member
    July 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is simply excellent
    so much to love about it- the money changers as analogy
    the image of the robe at the elbows
    and then
    the omnipotent knowledge of what is imminent

    i wonder if you have one too many ands in the first
    four lines?

    just a wonderful piece- one of my favorites by you-

    reminds me ever so slightly of a comedian (local to detroit i think?) who does a bit on the big baseball game
    between heaven and hell
    and how hitler's bangs get in his eyes and how
    mother theresa is useless to the cause for the good guys


    excellent- so good to wake up- grab a coffee and find this.

    m


  • Namita
    July 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like this one lots. Well done.


  • Emerald13
    July 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ooo powerful commentary ... in champagne, jesus, the ninth and ripping that fastball ... as always, poetry with depth beautifully resolved >>> Gina

1 - 12 of 12