The rain falls from the sky as I sit here in solitude
I can see the drops clinging to the window trying to survive
As the water hits the ground seeping into the sewer, I begin to wonder
I wonder if it is god crying out or if the world is in despair
At this very moment, in this storm, are we all struggling to hold back the tears
Everything grows quiet, nothing is heard, but tears falling to the earth
Growing stronger and falling down harder as I watch hopelessly from inside
Perhaps the rain is a symbol of life's great depressions
Or maybe its a warning trying to tell us that with every tear is a smile
Sometimes there may be more rain then there is shine
But with every storm there lurks a rainbow hiding behind the clouds
Giving us hope and telling us all that it's ok to cry
Author notes
It was raining and this came out of me
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I don't really like puncuation either. I have a love hate relationship with the rain myself...I hate it when I am lonely.
Anyway... I loved it all but these lines were my favorite...
As the water hits the ground seeping into the sewer, I begin to wonder
I wonder if it is god crying out or if the world is in despair
At this very moment, in this storm, are we all struggling to hold back the tears
Everything grows quiet, nothing is heard, but tears falling to the earth
Growing stronger and falling down harder as I watch hopelessly from inside
Perhaps the rain is a symbol of life's great depressions
Or maybe its a warning trying to tell us that with every tear is a smile
An amazing write
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Great poem...really good write. One problem. I hate to be blunt, but the flow was terrible, it was like reading it all in a breath. Poetry is similar to writing music. Commas, semicolons and periods are used to separate beats between the lines of a poem, and the thoughts presented. It also helps the reader ascertain the end of one line and the beginning of another, otherwise, a line without a comma on the end just runs into the next line...
Example: The sky is blue,
Its shades present a painting of truth.
That's with the beat separation...
A poem without would read:
The sky, gives shades of
blue, green, grey, and red,
Present a painting of truth.
Hopefully you can see the difference the comma can make. Now, if you still have trouble with the form of your poetry. I'm available alot of the time, and would be glad to give you form tutorials. I'm here to help others progress, not watch myself get better than others. And I'm willing to help you if you need it. Just message me.
Thank you for the opportunity to return the favor and read this poem. It was a wonderful piece. Keep that pen going, and I hope to see you improve. Good luck!
~Justin~ -
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Hey thank you for your comment, but this is actually my style of writing. I mean when you write poetry I dont think it necessarily has a correct way or an incorrect way unless of course there are spelling problems or misuse of wording. I actually write like this because I feel that putting a period on each line just wouldnt feel right to me. The poem is ment to be read as if each sentence ended with a pause then the next one begin. Thats just how I write sometimes. I actually wrote this poem in about 10 minutes and yes i definetly liked the poem, but I know its not the best out there. I guess if I do have any questions I will go to you because you seem to know what your talkin about.
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wow, that gave me the chills and made me want to read more of your poetry. Great job!
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That is a beautiful poem. And, heartwarming to see you climb out of depression with your own encouraging thoughts. Such origonality in your thoughts, and classical too.
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yes..there is a morning after the each dark night..you have revealed the universl truth here in this verse..well done....
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This is a nice reflective write. I like the way that you are contemplating the rain (try the uk - you can do so a lot..) Injecting hope at the end raises ones head. All could identify with these sentiments.
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