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Habitual Rituals

At the intersection of memories

promises melt

into metaphors and introspect

 

sticky sweet concoctions

stealing peeks at time ticking

 

kinda like slow music

and over exposed thoughts

…the grind of hips

lost in the scent of something blue

 

a dash of comfort

exposed by raw emotion

 

imagination scattered like confetti

coloring the world

as if we were disciples of clarity

 

picking up pieces of our self

incarcerated in realigned metaphoric mime

buried behind uttered words of secret sentiments

 

we bite the forbidden apple

in a storm of emotions

 

- and

dominos fall with perpetual force

completing cycles of habitual rituals

 

 

 

 

7/5/08 

Author notes

Prompt: A spoon full of sugar

Mary Poppins rocks!

A contest entry

Take a moment to breathe it all in...

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • notorious
    July 12
    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on your Bronze (:

  • balenciaga silver member
    July 12
    Edit | Reply
    Congrats~

    ~Pt


  • balenciaga silver member
    July 12

    Edit | Reply
    Ah, this is very nice. I love where you took this, and did not actually mention sugar directly. I like that this talks about a bad habit, deliciously sweet, and probably unhealthy, but it just can't be stopped. Your words are clear, and exude great visual imagery. The only thing I wasn't too keen on was the repetition of "metaphor' and 'emotion'. But that was really it . Thank you for this original take, and entering my contest.

    & g'luck!

    ~Pt

    • zochit2me gold member
      July 12
      Edit | Reply
      I thank you for your comment and detail of what you liked and did not like about the poem. Also thank you kindly for the bronze trophy as well s points. All are appreciated

      ☼Becky☼

  • sheltered
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    That damn eye is distracting and i feel like i'm being watched. True enough. Blue is such a cold color but it can be hot."incarcerated in realigned metaphoric mime". Sweet line. I have a few habit's could use breakin'. Like sitting here with the blinds down and feeling sad because the sun has left me.


  • paullallady
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    what a wonderful poem this is! Great imagery and descriptiveness. You have such a wonderful way of describing emotions, it is awesome. great job on this terrific poem.


  • notorious
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    Love your title, love your poem...Jesus, this was amazing.

    Those first two stanzas were pure MAGIC with a K at the end...so, MAGICK.

    "imagination scattered like confetti
    coloring the world
    as if we are disciples of clarity"
    Another perfect stanza...though I wonder if 'are' should be 'were'...I don't know how tenses apply to this poem, whether there's an intentional change or not.

    The last 2 stanzas were also kick-ass. Apples being forbidden...sounds like Snow White!

    =]
    Good luck (although maybe I should be saying 'Mazel tov' right now...this is AWESOME)

1 - 7 of 7