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[ Baby when you lay next to me ]

Baby when you lay next to me
I [feel] your rough finger tips
Trace their ways
d
o
w
n
To the rim of my l.a.c.e.d underwear…**that you provided**

I whimper for you to s/t/o/p but you
Ignore my (slurred) words and mistake
Them for signs for you to move on.
Rattling door knobs & b,u,m,p,i,n,g techno
Is our background music to this lust filled evening.

You gently tap the beautiful revolver on the bed side
As a signal of my punishment if I decline this lovely painful request.
You promised me My {{moment of fame}} But all you showed
Were your obsessive beatings that left me covered in
r_a_i_n_b_o_w_ colored bruises

                            ****

My vision blurs and time feels like its standing still. Your body lying
heavily ontop of me burning my skin slowly. But i can no longer feel it.
My body has been stained by the [false] love of the sinful.

Rock me to sleep oh pain[fun]filled memories...wrap me soley in your arms
till i no longer feel tainted. Till i no longer your penetrating words entering
inside my body like a bullet into flesh.

                              ****

Author notes

opt 2

A contest entry

love it or hate it, i could care less sometimes! ^_^

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Antebellum
    May 5
    Edit | Reply
    wow you did the dirty pretty thing amazingly.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    August 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    First DP I've read...interesting format I must say. Love the write tho Good luck


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    July 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Makes me feel so sad... This reminds me of a night once at my ex's house, pretty well actually.
    Sad that blokes mistake things.
    The woman protests too much? Listen then


  • innocence jaded.xx
    July 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ooooh, Incredible dirty-pretty. I liked it. I can see you entered another one of my contests, too ? haha ;] Well I'll just comment it for both of them then:

    As for the options contest: You did very well portraying such a beautiful emotion that was so captiviating to the reader, and the dirty pretty wasn't excessive, which I absolutely loved.

    As for the DP contest: AMAZING. Definitely what I was looking for. The words were so powerful and I loved how you formatted some of it.

    Thank you so much for entering & I wish you the best of luck in both contests !!! ♥


  • Georgia La Mariposa
    July 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is fantastic I loved the way you wrote this I';m trying to get into writing dp but it's hard you make it look so easy


  • newnoakua
    July 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    wow... really intense. So much emotion... just beautiful!

    It's just great!


  • Fey Absinthe
    July 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i like it alot.
    =]]


  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    July 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow i loved the way this was wrote. My favorite part was "My vision blurs and time feels like its standing still. Your body lying
    heavily ontop of me burning my skin slowly. But i can no longer feel it.
    My body has been stained by the [false] love of the sinful." that was worded so well. Thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
    Shelly


  • mathu is dead
    July 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    woah!
    *blown away*
    this is pretty intense

    rough
    i like it..
    it plays around with you a bit...
    chews you up and spits you out...

    good work


    • edit my world.
      July 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      wow lol thanks so much! i didnt think it was good at all...since i'm trying to break my writers block

1 - 11 of 11