Pick me up, don’t shake me.
Hold me closely, don’t ever lose me.
[Instructions should come with every mind]
My mind; like glass
unbreakable, even to a bullet
was tampered with.
& now you can shoot me at your will.
Cracks are beginning to show
and a few more hits will shatter me completely.
I guess you don’t read the instructions,
because everything in your path is breaking.
All you touch doesn’t turn to gold,
but shattered glass.
[Fragile: handle with care is what I should say]
The sand of time is my creator
You’re able to reverse the process
melting me back into sand
from a bulletproof mind
to a girl in love.
[Literally, what’s glass made of but sand and heat over time?]
---
In love with me,
or is it my reflection in the mirror?
The two-sided glass, like your mind
I’m made of glass
But you, you’re the mirror
Not see-through and with different reflections
[The destruction of a narcissist]
The glass is shattered
but the pieces remain.
If you collect them you can fix me.
broken in a million pieces but still alive
[But I don’t want you to fix me]
If it’s possible for me to break once
then I’ll break again.
so it’s better for me to remain shattered
& abstract in sharp, pointy pieces
[unfixable, unbreakable, untouchable]
Author notes
gaah. theres something about the second half that bothers me
so criticism and ideas on how to fix it will REALLY be appreciated
thankss
xx.
for patheticKt's contest:
uhmmm so its 51 lines but theres a lot of spaces... hopefully thats not too big of a problem; if it is i can always enter a different poem (if im allowed)
In a list
A contest entry
- make me feel something. by aanika.
1003 points, ended July 20, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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In reply to your AN, no worries, I don't count the line breaks
Ok off to my comment 
Let's see, love the write here: imagery, similes and all that, very beautiful ^^
I am still confused why people have lines with brackets and all, what's their significance to the piece? Emphasis maybe but in here, some of them made sense and gave great touches to this heartbreaking piece . . .
. . . hmm, about the second part, the transition between the first and second stanza were rushed, left me confusing- maybe you should connect them more or place another stanza or something; I still think that you should've stick with the hourglass but hey, hourglass and mirror, not a problem to me
All in all, this write isn't bad, it's actually a good one; very lovely, all right
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I love the imagery. Eh, The ending was a little too overused. It was a really good poem tho and thankyou for entering my contest
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the ending is kinda cliche
not what i was looking for. -
All you touch doesn’t turn to gold,
but shattered glass. --> love it.
okay, suggestions for the second half
in the beginning of the second half you used the word "glass" a lot.
lol i know that's the theme of your poem but maybe you could use another word or space it out a bit.
The glass is shattered
but the pieces remain.
If you collect them you can fix me.
broken in a million pieces but still alive
-i like this part
[But I don’t want you to fix me]
- feel like this part is a little bit blunt and repetitive?
love this poem so much. the metaphor is excellent.
<3 -
Great i loved this alot. Muh fave part was "In love with me,
or is it my reflection in the mirror?
The two-sided glass, like your mind
I’m made of glass
But you, you’re the mirror
Not see-through and with different reflections
[The destruction of a narcissist]
The glass is shattered
but the pieces remain.
If you collect them you can fix me.
broken in a million pieces but still alive" good job thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
..<3..
Shelly -
this is absolutely amazing, i loved it. it is really powerful and strong, and i can feel the emotion within this. i especially loved this part;
The sand of time is my creator
You’re able to reverse the process
melting me back into sand
from a bulletproof mind
to a girl in love.
----
it was really really good,
you're an amazing writer.
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awww wow
thanks
your comment made me smile ahaa
xx.
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