deep in the sea she sleeps
free from others' dark troubles
dreaming of the soft sand and starfish
as glimmering jelly-fish
float beyond her dreaming life
the girl who once had never believed
she'd leave it all for a saving light
sleeps oh so peacefully
no questions asked...
I am at my inner peace
Author notes
Softly sleeping by `arcipello
A contest entry
- . by Aurora Ceres.
600 points, ended July 26, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
If you read this, then please comment
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Lolz, I have trouble relating the writing to the picture, I hate jellyfish, the suckers hurt like hell...
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Whether or not you personally can relate it to the picture. Why bother giving it a half-assed comment when you can actually comment on what it made you feel. Or follow the guidelines.
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Heh, half an ass, it sounds painful. Guidelines? Those are for the writers who don't know what to say, I do.
Thing is, I didn't want to point out the missing punctuation, or how one of your lines consists of two words "float beyond", an incomplete thought.
I didn't note how you can't see the stars from underwater, nor the fact that the picture is in daylight.
Nor the inconsistency of the girl asking making a statement, when she's supposed to be supposedly asleep.
I really didn't comment on the how bland the poem itself is, how much effort did you put into this? This is art? What here haven't we felt before, what knew inspiration do you spark? This is a cheap sling to win points, disguised with general, undescriptive words...as poetry.
I'm in every way a reader and commentor who wants to read something poetic, when my comments have one butt cheek, it's because I'm being polite, there's plenty of crap for me to talk about, but I'd hate to make you steam... oh well.
Feel free to delete this (my comment), I would - And consider writing something beautiful.
Gah, a woman trying to sleep underwater in a herd of jellyfish, suicidal...
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