The ponds at Beckenham Park are both completely frozen fast
and Hugh’s poor ducks with frozen feet are waddling through the snow
they’ve tried to fly but can’t take off against the wintry blast
and anyway, in this whiteout, they can’t see where to go.
I see Hugh’s Fluffy’s footprints in the snow down to the gate
she should’ve been in bed but guess the blizzard caught her late.
I wish that Hugh’d stop leaving bits of chicken on her mat
and just look after Edna but forget that bloody cat!
She comes around when Hugh has just put bread out for the birds
and hides amongst his fernery to catch the little turds
but now she’s disappointed because all the birds have gone.
Hugh’s place is just the same as mine with deep snow on the lawn.
The Indians have taken all the firewood that’s around;
my neighbours built their fences up to twelve feet above ground.
My rubbish now is piling high - there’s nowhere else to throw it
and if anyone can tell me what to do I’d like to know it.
I’m giving up my car because we can’t afford the gas
the rising mortgage interest rates have got us by the ass.
We must stop eating veggies to combat greenhouse effect
and no more eggs ‘coz sulphur smells pollute as you’d expect.
And I’ll stop having barbecues because the rising heat
could cause more global warming so we’ll make do with cold meat.
We’ll give up making love outside ‘coz sometimes Hine’s fart
could well affect the ozone layer and blow the hole apart.
I’ll even give up reading ‘coz I’ve just learned, if you please,
that for every daily paper they chop down a hundred trees!
I’ve told Hine that to waste good toilet tissue isn’t nice.
We should conserve our forests using each tear at least twice!
As you can see I’m trying hard to do my two cents’ worth
in planning the recovery of this, our Mother Earth.
If anyone can tell me what to do to add my weight,
please email me at Hugh’s address before it is too late!
Will anyone please help me keep this lovely planet clean
and stop this ‘Global Warming’? - ‘coz my balls are frozen GREEN !!
Heathcote Giffen, July 6th.2008.
Author notes
Hugh said I have to use the words "footprint/s" and "green" in this entry.
It's blowing a howling southerly gale with snow still falling and zero temperatures.
Can't even see the hills through Hugh's study window - just white out there
A contest entry
- Huguenauties Contest # 34..... Going Green by huguenauties.
750 points, ended July 24, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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My dearest Heath, I hope you read my entry and saw the answers to your poem. Poor Fluffy, she is such a lovely cat, I don't know why you both don't get on.
AND DON'T BLAME ME!!!
Love Hine
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HA ha Your balls are turning GREEN? As I said in your other poem I hope Hine gives you a clout for saying she has a problem that adds to the pollution in the air!
Ohh geez, I'd hate to be your neighbour and cop all your rubbish. GOOD ON THEM for making their fences higher. As for Fluffy, I've heard that she loves Hugh very much and can get vicious if anyone has a go at Hugh over her.....So beware Heath, you will never know where she is hiding to pounce out at you.
Great poem though.
Love Jen
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Dear Heath,
I hope you get some help
for keeping things clean,
I think you'll need more tissues, though,
one tear twice is a little bit lean!
It seems like winter's woe
and all that snow's the main
thing on your mind.
You may need to wait for the spring thaw
to solve problems of mankind.
Best of Luck in this contest! Your heart's in
the right place although your other body parts
may be verging on frostbite!
<3 Maureen
-
I think the color of your balls is quite another mess
you've been doing something wrong--if you will confess
maybe since you gave up sex--you've found another joy
stop pulling and a-tuggin' mate, they ain't that kinda toy!
A fun, well-written, shocking tale of horror!
-
What a CAD you can be Heath!
Dear Heath, Hugh hasn't mentioned about the pond being frozen over, but then again he hasn't been out to have a look because Edna is not well. And as for YOU with YOUR fixation of Fluffy! You are just jealous of her and her love for Hugh, if you treated her right she would come to you too! I can remember the time she chased you and when you tripped she jumped on your back! Who was the pussy cat then? You yelled at us to get her off you!
I'm pleased to see that your neighbours have woken up to your little scheme of dumping your garbage over their fence! NOW you HAVE to clean it up yourself!
And poor Hine gets the blame for pollution, look at yourself sometimes, I've heard you when you think no one is around!
EWWWW Using toilet paper twice! How gross.
How does Hine feel about you giving up the car and how does she get to bingo?
Well, I've done my rant, apart from that it's a great poem. Good luck in the voting.
Love AJ
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Dear Heathcote,
I think it might be a nice thing if you ask Catz to introduce you to her friend with the green boobs...The two of you would make such a charming pair...I hope you soon figure out how to compost the rubbish you have piled up other wise it is not a good thing to leave laying around though it might draw some flavorful critters for Fluffy to dine on and if so she may leave the birds alone...Good entry and good luck with the voting...
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Dear Heathcote,
Although you managed to include the words "footprints" and "green"
I doubt if either context was envisaged by Darlene.
Though Fluffy may be cold and wet, at least she's good and clean
and, if you could lick like she does, then your balls would not be green!
Your neighbours may, in self-defence, have built their walls up high
but at least on you and Hine now they can no longer spy.
To re-use toilet paper more than twice is rather wry.
We find that old newspaper torn in strips is dinky-di.
Outside, it's now stopped snowing since you wrote your Author's Notes
but it still is freezing cold! Well done and good luck with the votes!
Hugh (R.)
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