There was a bill for two hundred fifty three dollars
A two week, seven hour and thirty seven minute grounding
Not to mention a ninty two minute conversation
with a set of grown-ups at the dinner table;
And two steel shots straight in the flesh,
followed closely by eighteen stitches-
But not even that,
could convince my brother that he should
give up on perfecting his high dive
into the lake from the top of an elm tree
Author notes
You're contest sounded like fun. Hope I didn't break any rules. : )
A contest entry
- Try this... or not by Nicole Hanna.
300 points, ended July 6, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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He he what a lovely poem. It shows the persistence of human nature, to not give up even if there are lots of things against you!
I love how you explained the consequences before you explained the action!
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You approached this prompt in a really intriguing way. Very coherent and imaginative, it really paid off.
The last stanza is really spectacular and quite chilling and unsettling. This is impressive, as you build up sympathy for a character you don't even describe or give any dialogue to.
Really enjoyed this one, thanks for sharing! ^^
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A character? This was my dumb little brother!
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Within the context of a poem, he's a character.
But it is interesting to know it was really your bro' that inspired this.
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Youch all round I think! lol. your words sting...nice one!
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Good stuff.
Clean narrative and that ring of authenticity.
Luvit.
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lol Well, this was a stellar poem, but it was chalk-full of adjectives But, I gotta tell you, I want to hold a pre-write contest, just so you can enter this in it... I liked it so much. Thanks for entering
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Really? I thought I did good at not using adjectives. I think I'd better pull out the old dusty dictionary and look up the meaning of that word again. lol
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Ah, youth. Immortal, godlike.
Icarus blew it.
Dad-ilus tried to tell him.
Well expressed, thanks.
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WOW
This was awesome.
Very different than I usually read. A little out of the ordinary.
Kinda funny. - It kept me smirking throughout.-
The last stanza was amazing.
Some things can never stop anybody.
Well written.
Short and sweet - but it was perfect. -
LOL that was so funny. I laughed out loud...and for real this time!
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