pain of a returning past

this blank page
was your only support
helped you through the day
like it knows how to survive

don't show people your weakness
your situation ain't realistic
people will think your a liar
so you hold on to nothing,
but obey to survive

they manipulate you
try to bully you till you kill yourself
destroy everything you loved
make you feel,
like your the worst human on this planet

only whisper for help,
when everything goes wrong
try to listen to stories,
about how life used to be like

fight your tears,
cause crying is a weakness
and living like this
is normal for now

when you release yourself
from the agony they've caused
you know you'll never go back
still your mum says:
c'mon, it IS your dad!

though everything he did
she thinks you should forgive him
he almost caused your suicide
and was letting you live,
like fear of living is normal

now you try to hold on to the future
cause the past is trying to kill you
but how to forget your own family?
how to forget the trauma it caused?