she sharpened her tongue
with young skin, stretched;
tight as the liquor
made her feel
carried responsibility,
slung from low hipbones
and caustic dyed jeans
she scraped them often
into the garbage of also-rans,
defining patterns of night
waking to different streets.
The colored neon's capturing
red eye in the lenses
fishnets were removed and
hooks re-baited for the next angle.
Fishing was for fools and horses
she was wiser
and she could swim
In a list
A contest entry
- It Begins With... by Dalaney.
825 points, ended July 7, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Congrats friend
where was I when you posted this beaut. Comatose I suppose or mourning.
Love it and you.
Buddy
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wow
i think now i am really glad to have won gold, for this is just ... well ... just wow ... this is very very strong work .. final couplet ... lord i love that
bravo to you for another very excellent poem ...
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Oh this is good...
Very very good.
Love it all but that ending just slapped me right in the face!
☼Becky☼
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woohoo! damn, i love that ending
Love, lane
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More than just a few good fishermen have been lured and caught in that net of temporary satisfaction. Good luck in the contest.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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I quit guessing about your words;I just enjoy them. though I would call this one trolling for dollars. All fish can swim and they know the pond.
. Rewarded 4
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thinker for me
Perhaps I am not as sharpened as her tongue is but I feel that this poem is about being young and on the street. The desperation of what you need to do to survive is what really catches my eyes when I read this; you get wisdom real quick on the street after taking your lumps. Know from personal experience as I left home at 17 without a plan... Endless the turns you make at night are if you have no where to go...
I may have brought my thoughts into a totally different realm of what you were trying to do here, but this is how it spoke to me...
Either way, thank s for writing it, I felt myself for a moment a long time ago...
. Rewarded 8
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Hun, whatever you read into my poetry is fine to me, for I think it should be a reader's choice to take it however they, themselves feel. It will always say something idfferent to others. I appreciate your insights. Thanks C
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Oh my goodness
Its all in the catch I guess haha this is very unique
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Felt abstract, lol but the meaning is explained I hope
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Another great poem I like the flow of this
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Luvit!
This one is audible.
I get the sense of a glancing blow and it works.
Thanks for this.
Tom
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An interesting collection of colorful descriptive metaphor.
carried responsibility
slung from low hipbones
and caustic dyed jeans
she scraped them often
into the garbage of also rans,
aphor. I particularly like
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I love fishnets..lol.. Actually I don't have any
.. oh well .. This was really good.. I like it!! lol.. I wish you the best of luck!!
Angel
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For the love of cod
She was the fish and was into catch and release?
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lol I hate seafood!!!!
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fishnets were removed and
hooks re-baited for the next angle
fishing was for fools and horses
all of this is great but do like that stanza the best. Love Juls
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