nub of world, transparent
and I look at its beauty
with such tiredness.
See the cobwebs and
lackadaisical lace,
spun for fools and others
not me
shadows race me
through years of self doubts,
the mother in my head,
babe who is dead
and the lack of remorse.
Failure of connection,
a muted spark, wet
before fire ever lit
then
you-
sandwiched between plinth and spine
and roughened skin wept a little,
to allow a better view from within.
Niggle; then opened, as a twig becomes branch
and sapling a tree
was me
universe became a candor of words
reaching with poems, phrases in time
minutes; the hours I yearned to spend
nestled in them
if you ask me
am I yours?
the answer is
yes...
Would flowers ask the sun
to shine upon their petals,
or urchins ask the moon
to pull the tides to rescue them
from shallow pools?
Perhaps the question is answered
before ever being asked
as smiles break the hills
and midnight trickles bliss
Ah, but I
I would ask even if the query
in question came pre-answered,
just to hear the racing beats
of wild acceptance...
I would lose myself again to weightlessness
Back in childhood's swing
dreams would breach
chain's restrictions
as I leapt for things unseen,
but cotton always slipped my grip
no matter my strength of will
Sometime after landing
I found you and discovered flight
Your breath was the wind
that set me free.
So you see
I know you're mine,
as these wings
were lent to me
by you
Author notes
For us...forever...no hiding
What did you think
Comments
1 - 38 of 38
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I see this bud of love has bloomed and dedicated its' beauty to sun. Your mastery of metaphor is enchanting and inspiring.
Sincerely,
Leo Long
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Is in the process of blooming if God wills it to be so, it's out of our hands
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nic
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totally excellent
Wonderful poem with such depth. Your poem is very well constructed and it has a general meaning for all to digest. Your work is well worth a read. Thank you for writing this poem. -
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Thanks Buchan, was a joy to write it with him.
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well written
hmmm...
this poem actually enables me to ponder...
i think it is a little bit abstract.
i like the form - especially the single words in between stanzas. - very rich in meaning.
i can see the nature in this.
and as for the effective use of title/first line/last line -- you did a really good job.
it all makes sense.
some parts are a little weary though.
overall, nice job. -
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Weary maybe but the love explained is purely for us and we love it,not a poem that made us care whether people liked it or not, just that we knew what it meant. Thanks.
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Hmmmm...
As I was reading this I could easily see how the world can and does get a person down as it kicks the shit out of you over time. Time and time again experience is gained and the world does become transparent in many ways. Even out of frustration with it all it is easy to get tired of the whole process I think. Amazing though how a good girl/man can change all that. That feeling of mutual attraction and/or love can make all the negativity go away in an instant and resurrect you into a teenager again. Beautiful write of course no need to say anything about that...I can see you are no novice...
. Rewarded 8
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Too kind but thank you, Dan and I both wrote this so it is a collab, for you to read it and not notice a change in the styles speaks volumes for how we feel towards one another..we are in sync, in love and it's a nice feeling.
Love, C
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wow. if you can collaborate like this with poetry, I can only imagine......
love, lane
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C
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Awesome collaboration!! All the stanzas are separated in the right instances...which is awesome again.
"lackadaisical lace"<--Love this.
"spun for fools and others"<--Haha!! Wonderful cynicism..
"self doubts"
A hyphen (-) in between?
"a muted spark, wet before fire ever lit"<--Damn, this is genius...great imagery and metaphor...nice phrasing as well!!
"to allow a better view from within"<--Simple, but I like it a lot.
God, it's taking too long tell you which lines I like especially...let's just say it's really good, okay? (:
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Thank you for the wonderful comment as always. I always appreciate you!
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Thanks hun, I know Weltt will appreciate your thoughts as do I. Just time to get it out there and let everyone know.
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He better! I spend time on these laborious comments!! =D
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How stunningly beautiful this poem. Such fine words of love...of devotion...makes my heart flutter! The backfround is enchanting, adding such a sense of mystery and pure peace. I loved this so much!
Blessed Be...
Aunty Az
. Rewarded 4
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I'm glad that you enjoyed it.
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From the vixen and her wolf, the background seemed appropriate for I ugess we both look at the moon and sigh, thanks Aunty I appreciate it and so will Weltt. Love, C
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Awesome write indeed
Bravo on this piece of work for yes we are all lent wings to help us find our way through the perils of life to lift us when we fall and help us forever reach the heavens from whence we came .
. Rewarded 4
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I didn't realise this was even a collab until I got to the end!! So seamless...
and so beautiful!!
and all I can say is I love you both, and wish you well.. and am always here for you! Always!
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Thanks sis!!
8hug* -
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She loves you like I do hun
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Oh, we might need you sometime to talk to and I know you are always here for us both. Love, C
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Such a provocative entry in your poem with "nub of world," meaning crux or small chuck, we shall see; viewing its beauty with tiredness... its lack of disturbance leaving traces. Ooo, these are some heavy weights your shadows... its summary, "a muted spark, wet before fire ever lit." Loved the horizontal and vertical of plinth and spine... the orientation, the hard viewing, opening and growing. Poems reaching, weaving a nest of open honesty. Knowing the answer before it's asked - Ah, this is the crux. Awww, asking just to hear the answer - the racing beats of wild acceptance, the pleasure of weightless suspension. Although having the inner strength to break restrictions, what you needed always slipped away. Joy in letting another lift you, in the discovery of flight.
I could listen to the two of you write back and forth all day!
Marlene
Cool background - the shadows and shapes on the verge of revelation. -
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Thank you Marlene, and I could collab with Weltt everyday too hopefully one day we can Love, C
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Such beauty in your words...a collaboration of minds and hearts.
Margaret
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Thank you Margaret, Was a lovely thing to write and collab on. Love, C
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One word: stunning.
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Two words:Thank you!
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Now this makes me smile Sis....You have reached down into each others hearts and found peace within the arms of love. To give yourself up to the one who holds your heart is the most beautiful experience and the most precious gift we can give.....ourself.Way to go guys.
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Thanks Mook, Am very happy here C
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Fantastically beautiful. I'm glad I read this poem. What a total commitment to a relationship.
Would flowers ask the sun
to shine upon their petals,
or urchins ask the moon
to pull the tides to rescue them
from shallow pools?
Perhaps the question is answered
before ever being asked
as smiles break the hills
and midnight trickles bliss
So you see
I know you're mine,
as these wings
were lent to me
by you
How could anyone doubt commitment after having heard that.
. Rewarded 8
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Weltt & I thank you for a wonderful comment lol funny how people are posting the piece in replies again..guess it has hit some in the heart and that's a good thing. Love, C
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Awww this was really beautiful you too.. you guys did such a wonderful job!!! there was just so much emotion!! I'm so glad that you guys are no longer "hiding" I really loved this!! yay!!
wish you both great happiness!!!
Angel
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Ah, but I
I would ask even if the query
in question came pre-answered,
just to hear the racing beats
of wild acceptance...
I would lose myself again to weightlessness
Back in childhood's swing
dreams would breach
chain's restrictions
as I leap for things unseen,
but cotton always slipped my grip
no matter my strength of will
Sometime after landing
I found you and discovered flight
Your breath was the wind
that set me free.
Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Yep the biggest sigh..Allpoetry has ever given me
Wow guys..so lovely..I just ate it up..and could have fed on more
For you both, forever...no hiding
words from both your hearts..im honoured to have read
Cind
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Sigh.................................
Oh thanks Cuz, we are both so very happy and I am hiring billboards lol Love, Chez
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billboards...well why not
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Or maybe a zeppelin
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