Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

tilting into July

~


a sparrow
steadies itself --

chimes tinkle
and the cyrstal teardrop
winds in winds
out like a moth with one wing
slapping shadows

and still, seasons spin
on a thread of mended realities

held fast
in the dream catcher




~~~
(c) GINA 5 July

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • ardentMarch gold member
    July 17

    Edit | Reply
    what a neat ending, I see all this within a dreamcatcher ...lovely..is it spelled 'crystal'? maybe you spell it different there...


    • Emerald13
      July 17
      Edit | Reply
      ha ... you are quite right ... we may say things funny here but we dont spell THAT funny ! ... thank you so much for catching that .. and for your lovely lovely comments on my poetry which was so nice to find today >>> Gina

  • ArtFullyMe gold member
    July 10

    Edit | Reply

    this makes me think of wind chimes. I have some made of crystal.... and I imagined their sound here, along with the ice of your winter



  • Nicole Hanna
    July 6

    Edit | Reply
    "crystal", "mended" and "dream" are adjectives here It's hard isn't it, right without adjectives? lol. Although, you could probably hyphenate "dream catcher" and it would work, and write "realites, mended" so forth and so on. It's totally do-able to re-work this without adjectives, so I wont be so hard on you I really love the feel of this piece. There's something nostalgic here. Thanks for entering
  • Sestos
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    this one is much better
    season-inspired you too? ;P I really do love the penultimate couplet. Those lines are wonderful!

    • Emerald13
      July 6
      Edit | Reply
      and yet my season is the opposite of yours ... inspiring, yest .. thanks for your thoughts ... (i am tempted to ask, better than what ? but tis rhetorical ... happy to hear it can get better !) penultimate is a lovely word >>> Gina

  • Fourthaxis
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful! Loved the title, it struck a chord.
    "chimes tinkle
    and the cyrstal teardrop"
    "slapping shadows"
    Great imagery, kind of reminds me of a lazy afternoon in India
    Peace!
    Anansey

    • Emerald13
      July 6
      Edit | Reply
      thank you ... chords are good ! happy to hear you enjoyed this and it prompted a lazy arvo moment in you - greetings from Tasmania in winter >>> Gina
1 - 9 of 9