Unfulfilled

I cannot seem to fill this void,
Days wasted away in idle contemplation of things
Yet to be, things that have been, things that are;
None of that seems to matter now as I examine
The crimson spattered canvas of a useless life,
One spent in fruitless suspension, always waiting,
Patiently hanging on empty promises, only to plunge
Into obscure disappointment and unfulfilled hope.
Is this all I am destined to be? a call girl,
The poster child for failure and doubt?
Paint me all the colours of your pathetic rainbow:
Vermilion hate, so passionate and yet so cold,
Violet anguish, deep and brooding, yellow
Cowardice, submissive and meek,
And blue....so blue...chalk it up
To naivety and pour me a glass of oblivious.
I've been drowning in the rain, all the while
Thinking I was dancing....oh, how foolish;
You besmeared my eyes with the charcoal
And soot of pleasant dreams, and I thanked you
For it as I drifted off on a bed of rusted nails.
Life seems to spin past at a faster rate every time
I open my eyes, reach out and try to grasp
At the fabric of my existence, only to
Weep despairingly as it once more spins away,
Out of reach, out of sight, while echoes linger
In the stagnant air around me;

Ring around the Reaper,
Of your life he's the Keeper,
Hush now, hush now, you'll soon be Dead.

The only solace I have found is in the razor's song,
Such a melody of abandon and release I have
Not heard in so long, and it is terribly alluring;
Sweet painful seduction, bitter defeat laced with
Candy-coated mortality, a sublime cocktail for the damned.
I ache for the loving bite of barbed steel against skin,
For burning regret to make its mark once more, clotting
On the fine threads of my slipping sanity as
The gentle fingers of dismay pluck the chords of
Catatonic stupor, until I feel no more.

Ring around the
                    R
                      e
                      a
                        p
                          e
                            r,
Of your life he's the Keeper,
Hush now.
              Hush now.
                    You'll soon. Be.  D
                                              e
                                                  a
                                                    d.