The door creaks an uncertain melody
as it releases the pressure of holding
back what's always been there, what
always will be. It hangs solemnly,
and ready for its next push/pull
to determine its significance.
It closes again, this inanimate portal
hanging on too-dry hinges and shut
by hardly caring hands, already intent
on their next point of misguided intellect.
A contest entry
- Notice the unnoticed by Dienush.
900 points, ended July 18, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any good?
Comments
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This is very nice. I'd suggest getting rid of the parenthesis and the words in them completely, they kind of ruin the point of the poem and become too obvious. Everything else is very good and definitely unnoticed and original. Thanks for the entry
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-Kevin -
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Thanks.
Done and done.
Thanks for the comment & crit. -
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You're welcome
Haha, I love your face!!!!!
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Wow, I actually love the theme you picked... the door can be taken both literally and figuratively. This is a complex poem. I like how you point out that the door is unnoticed and only the destination beyond it is thought of. I also like how you use description and concrete imagery, as well as abstract concepts. Thanks for your entry
~Diana
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