My exterior,
unapproachable.
I'd rather not
have people see inwards.
If they only knew
what hides inside,
fear, anger, depression;
hope, love, happiness.
I'm complicated by choice,
yet wish people understood my reasons.
I've seen what this word does
so, I refuse my evolution as human.
Tough? No, more like
uncaring as things happen...
Indifferent I am.
Author notes
* CAPPING every line is NOT allowed, unless required ~
* Do NOT use the Filler Words, *the, and, is, of, that, to* ~
*POW*
Theme - When bumping into a person they get angry because you haven't apologized to them for your blunder, what are you thinking?
These contests really make me think....hope this is better. *smiles with hope*
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended July 6, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What to do in an insane world?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I think a lot of people, myself included, will be able to relate to this write - one gets to the point they are so numb with life's trials, that they just become indifferent.
I think your title could be stronger - and I'm sure that will be much easier once the contest ends and you don't have to worry about reversing it...lol...
Your last line goes well with the words right before it...it give a 'finality' to your feelings.
Not a lot here, but what there was is well done.
Great job on the rules.
A nice solid entry.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
**Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.
-
Hello :)
With a Theme such as this....I would have enjoyed seeing what you could have done with the other 10 lines available to you ~
*what this world does....comma....so, I refuse....try to sloooow me down....that is a very expressive thought you have penned ~
Take off the *s* from *inwards*
My honest take on your write, is you could have really managed to blow my socks off with this Theme.....however, the Power and Impact are lacking in all areas ~
The Lasting Impression is not going with me either, as I leave this write ~
For me...this is not worthy of Poem of the Week.....and I know you are capable of penning MUCH better writes than this.........please do not take offense to this critique.....it is not against you....only my own views of your entry ~
God bless you for taking the time to enter this week!
Bear ~
Title 9.65....I would click on this, as the Title grabbed me, but still not the best IMO -
Flow 8.75...short choppy couplets stressed my brain -
Depth 9.9....nothing here realy took me any place original -
Theme 9.4..not bad....but no real depth here to soak up -
Feelings 9.0....never really had time to engage with your thoughts -
Grammar 8.75...elementary and too cliche' -
Presentation 9.1....couplets are never pretty when used in a row like this -
Uncommonness 9.8...nice Theme.....executed rather poorly -
Sit & Ponder Affect 8.75....sorry...nothing grabbed me to make me ponder -
Ability to follow Rules 10...perfect from what I can see -
Bears Score: 93.1
This could have been MUCH higher :( ....but not bad!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Hello and Welcome Back!
Still upping your game week by week I see…. A strong write:
I'm complicated by choice,
yet wish people understood my reasons …..
THAT is the shining star of this write to me….I absolutely adore those lines and that is the place where it went the deepest for me…I feel that depth is an area lacking here…however, I do see the challenge of adding depth while trying to show indifference, lol……Islekine and Neon have addressed most already with the telling versus showing, word/world fix and end line…I don’t believe your wording for your theme does it any justice, but its YOUR theme, lol…and that’s just my opinion!
Despite that mentioned, you brought a worthy write, close attention to the rules and obvious effort make this a great entry…I look forward to see what you bring next! Best wishes and good luck!!
Jamie
~ remember no editing once a judge has touched your work
~ my final score will appear at close
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Hi, and welcome to the POW! Good to see you here!
I think your theme is different, and interesting. If this is a true reflection of thoughts, yours are much nicer than mine would be if someone glared at me for 'bumping' them..
My major problem with this write is the end line. It is awkward, and screams "Yoda". I think you would be better off changing your title to
"Unapproachable Exterior", and then converting that last line to read:
'I am indifferent.' Or, you could change the title to "Indifferent Am I"..
that way it doesn't linger as the last thing read.
Up until that point, a good, solid write. I assume in line 11 you meant 'world'
not 'word'..but that may be my interpretation..not a problem.
Not a great deal of depth here, but enough to hold my interest to the end.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.
-
Aloha and so welcome back!
I love seeing people take this challenge and coming back with worthy entries....
"I'm complicated by choice,
yet wish people understood my reasons.
I've seen what this word does
so, I refuse my evolution as human"
Right now, I relate to these words..
deeply...so the impact score will be high for me...
I read more into it than your than your simple theme.
Thanks so much for a wonderful entry...my score follows...other judges also...I hope....lol Best wishes in the contest!!!
Write on!
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented on your entry!!
TITLE: 10
THEME: 9.7
THOUGHT: 9.7
PRESENTATION:9
FLOW:9
CREATIVITY:9
IMAGERY: 8.9 you told more than showed me....
IMPACT: 9
GRAMMAR:9.3
RULES:10
TOTAL:93.6
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented!
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Yes, these contests make the brain work hard don't they.Good luck in the contest, Ros
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I love the words that you have chosen to use along with the theme as this piece is beautifully written out with such thought and depth. well done
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love the profile pic darl..good choice
So thought provoking from the theme, etc.. I like how worked it..and touch to not use filler words..you did it very well my
ten outta ten from me
..if only I was the judge hey..lol
good luck my
Much love, your
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Love the theme...and your notes You have conveyed your emotions very well here, gorgeous piece. Good luck
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I do like this and these lines remind me of me :
I'm complicated by choice,
yet wish people understood my reasons.
Thanks for sharing goodluck
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