Wisdoms seeks companionship
within cerebral sanctuaries,
glistening pathos
overflowing with equations,
desperately needing acknowledgment
upon mental plateau’s.
Rogue hypothesis’s become vagabond
fragments drifting aimlessly
upon orphaned ethers.
Disintegrating into powdered
philosophies,
dying motherless methodology
shivers from subzero ignorance-
While thoughts become extinct.
Logic, now fossilized,
buried beneath layered hypocrisy.
Author notes
POW Entry
B-Tha-Revolution
Theme: Knowledge and wisdom becoming abandoned, then eventually becomes a dying nearly extinct species.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended July 6, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Very well worded! I found no problem in flow except for the 'break' in thoughts between your 2nd and 3rd stanza's. The theme is unique to me, and I think you did a great job with it. I found this to be an interesting write and I enjoyed it.
A good strong entry.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
**Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.
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Hello :)
First impression....because of the number of syllables your lines are holding, the Flow is straining, and so is my ability to read the entire first stanza in one breath ~
The second stanza is a tad long as well......and yes, I do see the one period used....however, I have to agree with Les (Livingemptyspaces)...transitioning from 2nd to 3rd stanza was a bit awkward ~
Other than those few areas of concern.....a most delightful write by a Poet who discards elementary thoughts ~
However.....do not try to out-do yourself with high-tech grammatical choices, as you will only force us to slow waaaay down in Flow....and that is never a good thing ~
Lovely write....God bless you and good luck!
Bear ~
Title 9.5.....you already know where you messed up persay rules...yet great Title over-all -
Flow 9.95...excellent read with superb Flow and understanding in each line....for me -
Depth 9.9....For such a short write...you covered a lot...yet..9 lines still available -
Theme 10...perfection.....however, I have seen this Theme I believe 3 times in a year -
Feelings 10....your grammatical choices touched me -
Grammar 9.9...very affective -
Presentation 9.45....stanzas are quite awkward -
Uncommonness 9.8....I really got into this write....just watch out for talent-overflow -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.6....did not ponder as much....pretty straight-forward dialect -
Ability to follow Rules 9.75...Title needs to be backwards from entry -
Bears Score: 97.85
Keep spilling that ink ~
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Hello and Welcome back !
Wow this is quite well written. I love the rich language and your fantastic imagery. Neon has already pointed out the grammar issues…the ‘s’ at the end of wisdom really throws the first line off for me….and then again with the hypothesis…those two extra S’s really break the flow (for me anyway) …I guess the reason I am re-addressing this is because I’m pointing out that in this particular case, the grammar issues really interrupt the read… and there aren’t many, but they do damage, so I would get those babies taken care of immediately when this contest closes! lol.
…..and of course that whole title thing is gonna cost you in the rules…which is a shame, because you managed all the rest….and ironically your poem seems to have some serious title potential (despite the strict rule, your beautiful vocabulary gave you an edge here…again, just MY opinion)
This was an excellent write and I wish you the best! Hope to see you again next week as you always bring good stuff. Good luck!
Jamie
~ remember no editing once a judge has touched your work
~ my final score will appear at close
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Hi, and welcome to the POW! Good to see you here!
First thing I see is, you have not used your title
"reversed" in the body of your poem. This is one of the rules, and will cause a small deduction.
I like you theme, and the way you have portrayed it. I'm not sure it is precisely 'unique', but it intrigues me.
Some grammatical issues:
S1, L1...no 's' on wisdom
S1, L4...no apostrophe needed in plateaus
S2, L1...plural of hypothisis is 'hypotheses'
Great use of language here. Nice choices in phrasing and structure.
My scores will appear with final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember, no editing once a judge has commented.
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Aloha and welcome....
Love the theme and the message!!!
"Rogue hypothesis’s become vagabond
fragments drifting aimlessly
upon orphaned ethers." absolutely brilliant thought...
and write! There are many more judges...to come...so just getting straight to the scores from me...You did well with the filler words...but your title is not used in your poem...in reverse...that will take a small fraction off....
Hope to see you again next week...Write on!
Best wishes in the contest!
TITLE:9.7
THEME:9.5
THOUGHT:9
PRESENTATION:9
FLOW:9
CREATIVITY: 9.2
IMAGERY: 9
IMPACT:8.9
GRAMMAR: 9.8
RULES:9.5
TOTAL:92.6
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented on your poem!!!
P.S. Did you change your name??? lol
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Wonderful theme, not seen it before. No banned words that I can see. The poem is stunning, superbly penned...think its going to be a tough contest this week. Just the title as mentioned below and you'll be spot on. Good luck
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Fantastic topic, and dangerously precise.
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whenever i read poems like this...i feel happy that there r people out there w/ a great vocab. and very thankful for people like u..if not for poet such as urself, i'll ever expand my vocab..thnx u...and btw..amazing poem/very thoughtful
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Yay! Someone who actually knows how to read rules.
and no filler words have sneaked in, as they tend to do.
So on the rules side, you did fantastic. ( Meep. Editness. You need to have the title in here backwards.)
On the poem side. Even better.
God, I absolutely adore this theme and your vocabulary.
My only issue with this poem is the way the second stanza carries into the third. But that's a personal quirk of mine, and most likely no shared by the judges.
Great job and Good luck! Hope to see you back.
-Les
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Check all the rules - re title especially. Thanks for your input before on my entry too. Got to love these contests, right? LOL
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