Daylight fades and the sky changes hue
to one I describe as me missing you.
It shares the pink of my crying eyes
and the blue of my heart as our love dies.
It descends through purples and into black
where it finally is lost and cannot come back.
A contest entry
- Try this... or not by Nicole Hanna.
300 points, ended July 6, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Nice work, and it rhymes to boot!
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Nice try, but I would define colours, by their very nature, as adjectives. And crying in "crying eyes" is definitely an adjective. I like your poem anyway. I think the adjectives crept in because you have a creative and colourful nature. Best Wishes.
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The dictionary does not agree with you, however.
As used, the colors are nouns. And in "crying eyes", crying is a present participle modifying eyes. These are descriptive words, yes, and I think that was the point. They are not, however, adjectives or used as adjectives.
At any rate, I'm glad you liked my poem.
cq
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oh and i forgot to mention, the flow and rhyme were very well done too
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oh wow thats amazing! it is a brilliant metaphor, very very fitting and i can relate, sadly! the fact that youve written a poem called "A Description of Sunset" and used no adjectives says it all... amazing job. i love it!
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Smart way of describing one's pining for something lost!!
The last line was totally apt. I am amazed with the way you have written this without the use of adjectives! Hard to describe love like this
God Bless!
Anansey -
Wasn't expecting anyone to try rhyme with this little project of mine, but glad to see someone did! I like the rainbow of colors describing the emotional process. Here and there it seemed a bit cliche, but I have to give many kudos that you tried it. Many thanks for the entry. It was enjoyable.
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