It had seemed such a good idea
in the bar
He loved her
and she loved her boat
she was sure to notice him
stranded on a surfboard
Wasn't she?
Author notes
30 words to the prompt
"Extreme"
A contest entry
- 30 Words II by Dalaney.
600 points, ended July 14, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I can't help but smile at Mairi's comment. She is our teacher, isn't she?
I have to agree with her on this one...although, I'm nudging it a bit harder Love, Lane
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Swapped the order around, does that work better?
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The trouble here is the grammar. I had to stop and work out to whom the phrase "stranded on a surfboard" related - that stopped my reading flow, in what was otherwise a neat little poem, nudging into "not bad" territory.
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