I never
walk into a room
without three opening lines
dancing behind my teeth
unless people are present;
They retreat
post-haste
into the tightening end credits
of my dry throat
I never
walk into a room
without three opening lines
dancing behind my teeth
unless people are present;
They retreat
post-haste
into the tightening end credits
of my dry throat
Author notes
*first thing that came to mind....
[30 words exactly.]
no rhyme.
left align.
go.
In a list
A contest entry
- 30 words by Melissa Gayle.
1200 points, ended July 9, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
constructive comments are much obliged!!!
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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This is wonderful. Great metaphor, skin tight. Feels like you gave us someting real, something of you.
Thanks.
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post reductions...
nothing a little drink can't fix. great ending with a twist of dry vermouth and a 3-olive fix. the bartender left his card on the counter and cash in the till. walk into a room, indeed... -
Really like the ending of it - not sure how I feel about it as a whole but still, enjoyable.
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Nice.
Very natural.
Easy flow.
awesome form.
My favorite part was:
dancing behind my teeth
---
keep writing
--
you're a natural
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^__ -
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aww thanks
you've made me feel better about my poetry 
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lol...love the playful imagery and thoughts!! best to you in the contest
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very nice and one of
the most original things i've
read on the site if not
the most original! i sure did
mean to comment on this one
earlier as it's a favorite of mine! -
...as if you could write crap.
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Fanatically fantastical...this is the kind of poem that never gets old, that feels sincere and imaginative at the same time...that is truly something to be proud of, seeing as you hauled the first thing right out of your ass (or you know...your brain)
It's so simple and freaking...brilliant. Damn you!! =D
The whole thing flows like freshly straightened hair (silky smooth in other words....minus the potential burntness)
I can't emphasize any specific line. The whole thing is genius. I'm expecting some crap writes to make up for this genius!! =] GIVE ME CRAP NEXT TIME, ROO!
x,
Jessica =D
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Wow.
Sorry I can't leave anything constructive. I just really like this.
I like how you describe something so mundane and yet so emotional. I relate to this and love the word usage here.
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thank you dear! v
you are too sweet ....and you still don't know how excited I am that you picked up on the Romeo and Juliet element of my other poem...NO ONE mentioned ...sigh...maybe I should have included a challenge in my author's notes to find the little bit of intertextuality lol
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wonderful
Very creative use of 30 words. So full of truth. Best of luck in the contest.
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this imagery made me see an actor
rehersing lines in front of a mirror
then walking out into an empty room
for an encore
excellent
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oh,
.
You're too nice to me.
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