when I dream, taut
trapping heat a globe
in the cold true,
so clear, spherical
respiration's in shape,
physical, misunderstood,
controlled but for a few
freezing alone
steam who sees
clothes this soul,
a bold pictured
supernatural as a bubble
atmosphere, being a bubble,
immaterial in a stream
through a babble;
like a brook
coloured green
seen as blue,
named a burn
equals
River To The Sea
by every other
extreme; re'd
with greed
as they say
'at the end of the day'
(sick)
it's just a bloody puddle!
whatever you label it
or me, piping-up.
Author notes
*a representation
A contest entry
- "Wrap Around Yourself and Go" by lie.
300 points, ended August 6, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
tell me exactly what you think; no holds barred!
Comments
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(splinters) a shattered bubble of ice? definitely not melted
so many images here, and fragments that recombine in shapes alien but familiar
I like the line that doesn't quite match, but says
...who sees
clothes this soul...
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a whole new 'meaning' to 'dreams that scream', eh!?!
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Last 3 lines kind of switched my mindset in reading this.
I love the dual poem this starts as, and how I could read it straight across, or read them each as individual poems. Maybe I am weird for that, but I could.
The last line, though, reminds me how very self important we can be .. giving everything metaphorical weight, and sometimes
a bubble is just a bubble
I love your poetry. I need to catch up.
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thanks Suzanne!
I laid it out as is, because I felt it would scroll on too long otherwise; and in doing so, I was hoping it might match up, however it's read---it doesn't make complete (step by step) sense read across, but I'm glad you got something out of it
I need to catch up with you, as well!
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