What the hell happened to Happy?
When did it become cool, to just write
About suicide and be sappy?
What the hell happened to being Grateful,
For all of life's big blessings?
Instead most poems these days are pretty freaking hateful.
Hateful towards fathers, mothers, and brothers.
But mostly towards ones self.
Cutting, scraping, digging into the skin.
That doesn't seem healthy, in the least bit.
It even makes it sound, like you want depression to win!
So maybe, just maybe, you should take a look around.
Because people worse off then you,
Are bound to be found.
Author notes
It bothers me that so many older teens influence younger teens into thinking that dark thoughts are okay.
They aren't. They really aren't. I understand that being a teen is tough, because I'm one too, but unless you really can honestly say everyday is a strife...
Well, it seems a bit unnecessary.
Because, remember, even when it seems like there is no way but down, who says you can't kick ass and take names all the way back up?
Mistakes? Improvements that need to be made? Tips and tricks? I'd like some advice please.
Comments
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I love this poem, the bluntness of it got the point across loud and clear. Thanks for the wakeup call
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Ah, thank you! I appreciate the applause and the add to your favorites! If you have anything that you think should be worked on in this poem, I'd be glad to hear it.
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well said
Thanks for such a thought provoking poem and I completely agree with you. I joined this site a couple of months ago and was, perhaps naively, surprised about the degree of cutting/harm etc poems that were appearing. Whilst I am no longer a teenager, I can certainly relate to the angst many go through, and continue to do so into adulthood. I haven't always known peace in my own life but that was then and occasionally I may write about certain experiences that may have shaped the person I am today, whether I like it or not. I tend to find this quite a cathartic process, but usually I prefer to write about other things which may or not make me content.
Technically there are several things I feel you may want to address such as the flow and metre of some lines as they read a little jarringly. I really like the sentiments expressed in your final stanza - there is always someone worse off than some self obsessed personage performing the things you talk about.
Good for you for having the bottle to produce this. I do hope you don't receive a bad mouthing for it. I had a lecture the other day from another member for failing to label my work 'correctly' - didn't make me happy, and whilst I can appreciate her feelings, I felt the tone of the reproval unwarranted and pedantic. Hey ho. Sincerely hope you don't receive similar. Well done, it'll be good to see how this develops if you choose to work on it. Keep writing.
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I think I already have received a kind of 'You don't know what you are talking about'. Ah well. Thank you very much for the encouragement and the applause! I appreciate it so much!
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Good write
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I am an adult with an mental illness..that in my past, caused me to self injure. I do write about it.. but not to glamourize it, or push anyone.. but to let others with this problem know, they are not alone..cutting, is almost always indicitive or symptamatic of some form of past abuse..be it physical , sexual or verbal.. and the cutter uses self injury as a way to release the anger and hurt they are afraid to outwardly express..cutting is anger and depression turned inwards... just wanted you to know in case you weren't aware.. but the poem was good.Very good. I think you have a lot of talent as a writer...
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I am aware is can become addictive..my point was that, it is usually secondary to a larger issue.. I have been through therapy and I am 32 yrs old, so I have many yrs of experience with it..I also have done exstensive research on its correaltion with sexual abuse. The statistics point out the relatiohship between the 2. My main point was more of one , that it isn't about people not wanting to be happy. That is a very narrow veiw of the illness. It is a maladaptive coping skill.. and it usually takes therapy to learn to stop, and adopt healthier coping mechanisims..
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I know about that all too well. I used to suffer from depression over a lot of things, and did a lot of unhealthy things to myself.
But that is exactly what those things are; Unhealthy.
It may release pain, but over a time, you have to do it more and more.
Until, finally, it becomes an addiction.
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i don't really see any mistakes here, except you probably don't need the comma before "like you want depression to win."
you make you're point pretty clearly and directly, and the rhyming is smooth and natural.
i agree that dwelling on "dark" thoughts and emotions all the time, particularly, i've found from my personal experience, resentment can make it grow larger. and i'm not too fond of poems glorifying cutting or suicide and think that's not very helpful either.
at the same time though, i want to point out that sometimes poetry can be one of the few forums where some of these darker thoughts and emotions can be expressed, and to a certain extent i think the release and ability to explore and struggle with these things that aren't really comfortable subjects to express or consider in our everyday lives. i know for me, most of my days and interactions are filled with love and gratitude and the "brighter" things of life. i don't feel like this joy is a lie, my smile fake. but there are also nagging doubts and a lot of sorrowing and suffering in the world, which are what a lot of my poetry grapples with, which are not so welcomed and approved by "society."
also, we don't know were people are coming from and most everyone has known pain, some quite incredible amounts of it, from a few stories i have heard of people on this site and off it. i personally have been very priviledged and have not had the horrendous experiences that many people have survived, and so often i will place my own frustrations and irritations and hurts in perspective by reflecting on the struggles and strength of others, but my experience is that having someone else tell you to "count your blessings" and "it could be worse" when you're stinging with pain doesn't really help.
sorry to go on and on. this poem just provoked a lot of thought for me. you do make a good point in this, to an extent. -
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Again, I used to suffer from depression over a lot of things that don't need to be said. And you are right, poetry is a great way for people to get the build-up out of their system!
What I was trying to say, is when people take it too far.
When it becomes a good thing to feel angry at everyone, to hate themselves, ect. ect. Not because they have been hurt, but because they feel they should.
Or when they do it so much, that it isn't about the pain any more, but about the cutting its self. When they become addicted to the feeling, the excitement, or heck, in some cases even the attention it brings them to do it.
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You Hit the Nail on the Head
thank you - this needed to be said. I agree completely, and while I love this site - I joined about a week ago - I am disgusted to see that so many youth my age use labels and stereotypes as excuses for the behavior you described above.
Some small suggestions:
I'm not completely sure that you need the comma in line two, this line feels fine to me without it. Also I would go back over this poem for small spelling errors like in line twelve - "than" instead of "then".
I loved your use of alliteration in the first line - intentional or not, it helped grab my attention and my interest. Also, line nine was excellent - i loved your use of the three verbs to underline your point. It literally made me shudder, but I'm fairly faint hearted when it comes to those things.
Thank you for a wonderful and engaging read,
Laurel
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