she fell
on her face
she tryed to stand,
and fell
on her face, for him.
he triped her,
she let her gard down,
but she was wrong,
he killed her...
when he broke her heart
Author notes
this was hard i rerote it so many times just trying to elimanate all the agutives if there isnt much imigery its cuz the contest i was in would not let me use any ajutives
A contest entry
- Try this... or not by Nicole Hanna.
300 points, ended July 6, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Unrequired: Unrequited love by Tefnut.
525 points, ended July 15, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
any other topics i should try to wright about?
Comments
-
you mispelled adjective...twice kid.
-
This is really good! Even though there are a few misspelled words...Who cares! This was awesome and I really liked it! Good luck in the contest and keep up the good work!!
-
hmmm interesting! and quite sad...
...one thing, you misspelled gard..should be "guard"...
g'luck in the contest!!!
Sailor Ptolema 
-
Well, you have quite a few typos here. "tryed" is "tried", "gard" is "guard", and I'm not sure you need so much punctuation in a piece this short. The repetition "she fell" doesn't necessarily work in only ten lines. But, I appreciate your attempt. I know this is a hard task to take all the adjectives out, and mostly I'm just looking for attempts. Thanks for entering
Adding your comment:
