faded cornflower
diffuses
through paned windows
-dances on mirror
glass inhales
sky's reflection
-ripples
dust particles
collide
frenzied by light
shadows yawn
crawl beneath bed
-chenille glow kisses me awake
Author notes
*cornflower refers to the light blue crayola crayon.
prompt: Five o'clock in the morning...
Free Verse
Left align
30 words - NO more No less
Edit work
In a list
A contest entry
- 30 Words by Dalaney.
600 points, ended July 6, 19 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
constructive comments are much obliged!!!
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Hey!
I just came back to say congratulations!!!
Felt it was a well worthy winner as soon as I read it.
Well done to you.
Sol
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I like how all these inanimate things - window panes, glass, mirror, dust and shadows embrace the sky/light in dances, ripples, frenzied collisions and yawnings, your chenille bedspread glowing in your waking. Sounds like an enchantment, complete with fairy dust.
Marlene
P.S. I see congratulations are now in order... yay for the gold! -
stunning. i love every word of this poem. it is visually stimulating and oh, so pleasing. love, lane
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I love your play on words in this poem. I really loved the last sentence and thoughts of chenille glow kisses me awake...lovely, just lovely... best to you in this contest
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aww why thank you!...You're comment is so sweet, it brightens my day
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"dances on mirror"
I think "dances through mirrors" (or mirror) would be groovier...it makes it sound more like it's living inside the mirror.
The rest of that first stanza is bloody COOL as hell though!!! There's so much unique imagery and cool words, like 'cornflower' and 'paned'...who knew the day those two words would be in the same stanza?
Second stanza...perfection...love your personification.
"shadows yawn"
HAHAHA, love this!! Even evil gets tired...
Great write, and it seems like more than 30 words 'cause of your formatting and wonderfully chosen words.
This is the uber to the awesome (:
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haha yes, when day comes, it's time for the dark to go to sleep
...hence, they climb back under the bed..
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Its wonderful. So happy I clicked on it.
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I like this slow awakening, especially the dust particles frenzied by light and the shadows crawling under the bed.
Good luck.
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thank yoU!!!!
I truly appreciate you reading, & am glad you liked it
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This is you! Beautiful creative images that comfort and inspire equally... Wonderfully done...
Ken
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thank you ken
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I see that our associations with the prompt hit similar spots.
Heh' the sun's been rising fairly early here recently, perhaps a little before it has been for you.
What a fantastic response from you! I love it...
and particularly this part:
'shadows yawn
crawl beneath bed'
All the best to you, also.
Sol
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thank you... this was a summer of my life, waking up at 5am to go to swim practice.
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oh wow so alive with imagery my queen
so so alive...i just adore shadows yawn crawl beneath bed -chenille glow kisses me awake
such light feeling imagery..i felt like calm while reading it and happy, which I need hehe
I dare say this is a trophy winner...well my opinion of course
Cind
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aww thank you love. You're too kind times a google for you!
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