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力 Aura of Felicity 爱

Animated 

He meets by chance he’ll ever bless

handmaiden, and some hidden hand

unveils an inner loveliness

too few take time to understand.

Time stands stock still, clock can't progress,

as second sight's embracing strand

second-thoughts disbands - caress

sends shivers through pores which expand.

 

His promise, through her presence, grows

to match the merits in her eyes,

to blushing envy turns flush rose

acknowledging true Paradise.

They flow together, former woes -

in ways no verse may summarize -

replaced by links no blinds can close 

metamorphosis supplies.

 

Thought trains awake dreams skeins asleep,

her aura haunts him day and night,

one image still will senses sweep

with wonder, worship, and delight.

Warm aura rippling, rich and deep,

excites, incites to more insight,

love's neurones bridge synaptic leap

like salmon fording stream, scales bright. 

 

Drawn by strong dreams nightlong he longs –

most humble where he most aspires –

to offer sacred, secret songs

to her he honours and desires

where 'we belong' may know no wrongs,

all echoes joy's celestial choirs,

where happiness itself prolongs,

no guarantees, no pleas requires.

 

Her graces make him rich. He’d ask

no golden ring engraven while

he may not prove himself to task

the equal of that precious smile.

Meanwhile he'd pleasure find and bask

in soft reflection, reconcile

hopes, fears, fears, hopes, and, shedding mask,

beguiled by feelings versatile.

 

He aims to catch flame's eye, perform

some labour, famed reward immense,

anticipates ways to transform

bright bloom in new-born innocence

to future shared, trust crystal clear.

Hope holds key to true happiness.

He trembles, mixing joy and fear,

would stand beside her, nothing less ...

 

Author notes



力 strength through 爱 love

Background Anu Passionflower
http://flickr.com/photos/anua22a/2590150558/
Passionflower story. zweezwyy.deviantart.com/art/Scarlet-Passionflower-88985212


Animated rose pic
http://photobucket.com/image/animated/wombat_10/Animated/148.gif?o=20

pic 2 Anu
http://flickr.com/photos/anua22a/2314461204/

In a list

A contest entry

Courtesy welcome and extended [Reward: double points]

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • beinbienasante silver member
    2 days ago
    ?
    Edit | Reply

    wowzer....

    May I fall in love.... with this poem?

    . Rewarded 4


  • judyth
    July 31

    Edit | Reply

    With some work, a Cavalier effort worth the time it may take to attain perfection.

    It's a pleasure to read work from a poet. We differ somewhat regarding word choice, but I respect most of yours. The honesty and delight is genuine and feels pristine, from the heart. That's important.
    Now for some comments on various lines:

    1. First four lines create a smooth introduction.
    2. Then come the next four lines -- with a problem:
    "Time stands stock still, clock can't progress,
    as second sight's embracing strand
    second-thoughts disbands - caress
    sends shivers through pores which expand."

    Good use of alliteration in 1.5, continued in 1.6....
    then we hit some clunkiness in 1.7 (it takes a re-read to appreciate what you mean);
    then, a disquieting vision of gaping pores...the image is almost of barnacles opening...seriously reconsider rewriting 1.8....

    3. line 2.7 has the same, unsettling kind of misappropriation: 'replaced by LINKS no BLINDS can CLOSE...'?????

    4. All goes well in the next set of lines until we reach: 'neurones...' which is spelled 'neurons'in American English...Then we must swallow "scales bright' --- hung on the end to force a rhyme. You can do better: work on this.

    Good, traditional romantic era stuff here:

    Drawn by strong dreams nightlong he longs –
    most humble where he most aspires –
    to offer sacred, secret songs
    to her he honours and desires
    where 'we belong' may know no wrongs,
    all echoes joy's celestial choirs,
    where happiness itself prolongs,
    no guarantees, no pleas requires.

    I'd work on the final line...perhaps 'no guaranty' (archaic form, stresses the romantic element): 'no guaranty, .... 'aspire...' '....desire...'...with this line improved, this part of your poem will have luster.

    5."...the equal of that precious smile." You can do better: why be trite when you might so easily supply an inimitable description to match that inimitable smile's value?

    5. So we've shed the mask, have we? then what does
    "...beguiled by feelings versatile..."mean, besides being very pretty?

    6. You lose a bit with:
    He aims to catch flame's eye, perform
    some labour, famed reward immense,
    "....anticipates ways to transform...."
    bright bloom in new-born innocence
    ==perhaps something like:===
    "...anticipating to transform
    bright bloom to new-born innocence..."
    where 'to' strengthens words on either side of it...but you will no doubt find your own path, for you have the skill to do so.
    "Crystal clear" -- you can do better!
    If i did not respect your effort, and your talent, i would not have taken so much effort to transmit my thoughts and suggestions. I particularly like the freshness of this love, enwrapped as it is in a traditional, but blazingly romantic, veil.
    Judyth Vary Baker



    . Rewarded 8


  • thepoetsings
    July 11

    Edit | Reply
    3rd stanza, 1st line - I'm having a little bit of trouble making sense of it. It might be that "dream's" needs an apostrophe...?

    Some clever word-play in this, and also a nice use of figurative language. For me, I must be honest, it was a bit too long; I think you could have just as effectively delivered the same message in fewer words. Overall, though, a good write. Thanks for sharing.

  • PoeticLove
    July 10
    Edit | Reply

    This was beautiful,

    I loved it, such love and longing for the one it was written for. YAY! good luck!!!
  • She meets by chance she'll ever bless
    A hand made man, and some light sent
    Makes shine a hidden loveliness
    She took too long to understand.
    Time, which before him stood still; may now progress
    As eyes wide-open on wonderland
    Every thought, deeper, caress
    And second thoughts through pores disband.

    Her growth, through his presence, flows
    To the merits of his charms
    To make thoughts -all kind- as a rose
    Blossoming- image of their Paradise.
    They fly together, she former caterpillar -
    at times felt, changes atrophied-
    Replaced by wings she now holds close -
    Such a metamorphosis surprise!

    Thought exchange wake 'real' so long asleep,
    His name haunts her day and night,
    Eight letters mix fair feelings deep
    With wonder, worhip and delight.
    Through many verses she received
    From his warm cherishing heart
    Beauty sacred and secret songs he sings
    To none compared he caught her heart.

    His aim to catch flame's eye, anticipates
    True happiness. That, she shares -
    As trust and tenderness mixed together
    Are the basis of the bridge linking he to her.
    She trembles not, as joy over fears wins,
    Hope become certitude, - nothing less.


    . Rewarded 8

  • It's interesting. I'm not partial to the roses in place of line breaks or the background or photos, but the poem was well-written. I like the poem, just not the way you presented it.
  • im thunderstruck of which to speak about, the background, the words the poems the stanzas hun simply thank you tonssssssss for entering im in the dreams of the background wondering the beauty of your poem

    . Rewarded 4


  • Night Hope gold member
    July 4

    Edit | Reply
    Sighhh...I adore this penning, dear Scribe. Absolutely beautiful.

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