When hours meet their match
and midnight wrestles like a rock
against the season’s chisel;
in that breath, that break,
before the slow surrender,
all things balanced perfectly
are, with a poem, frozen...
*
As heaven shook
when angels took up arms,
so fairy lands now tremble
as king and queen mix spite
to spice of love
On sour wings, attendants fly
or make some other magic way
to stand with spell as weapon,
defending – for they serve...
We are merely human –
caught like hairs across the aim .
We may dance but no-one, here,
will spare us from the game:
we are pieces,
pawns to mark some trophy page,
adornments...
Sweet love, the spells are
raining down like bombs –
take cover in my heart.
Despite my ranging thoughts
I will not leave your beauty
to the bloodline on the throat,
the choking hug of solitude,
the whisper in the cratered land,
the splitting tongue,
the silent furry legs that stop and start –
always gaining ground
despite the breathless running...
Lock fingers. Sleep.
Ignore the thinness of old age,
where sudden hairs in ears and nose
resemble wings, fit so well,
define us –
humans in the fairy lands, transformed...
Let the fairies glitter as they fight.
They are no more than fireflies
within a midnight squall,
merely rainbows in a tear,
temporal
despite this moment’s endlessness...
They will smile, at last,
tired of their playfulness.
The sky will cough the moon out
as a cat will clear its throat
and we will shed our wings
like shackles from the innocent.
A clock will tick,
a compass to the autumn,
a tool for making memories
and all of this will drift away –
a dream as real as any thought
indulgently created...
A contest entry
- Winklings Celebrates its 100th Contest (A Series) - Contest J by Lyndon.
3500 points, ended August 5, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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"Despite my ranging thoughts
I will not leave your beauty
to the bloodline on the throat,
the choking hug of solitude,
the whisper in the cratered land,
the splitting tongue" defines this piece for
me; the ending line completes the read with
sheer contentment. A wonderful display of
talent tailored to theme. Blue -
I loved this and disliked it in almost the same breath at one stage. There are moments where it is flat and cliched which in your case is lack of focus if anything because when you write well, as demostrated in most of this piece, put plainly, it is wonderful to read.
Sweet love, the spells are raining down like bombs –
take cover in my heart.
I personally think is bullshit yet on proud parade in the same stanza is this gem
choking hug of solitude, the whisper in the cratered land, the splitting tongue
I find this on the whole great to read but I am a prick when I see good writers opt for easy metaphors and worn images when I know they are writing pieces that deserves all their brilliance.
When something as banal as
a clock will tick
sits in such bland juxtapostition to
They are no more than fireflies within a midnight squall, merely rainbows in a tear
You set the bar high for yourself because you are a fucking good writer and it is like you are having several goes to clear that bar when in reality, with a bloody good edit, you would sail over it.
This is very good, it could be wonderful
PS I'm obviously gearing myself up for the olympics
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Wonderful
Absolutly brilliant, that was magical to read. Thank you so much, good luck with it.
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"Let the fairies glitter as they fight.
They are no more than fireflies
within a midnight squall,
merely rainbows in a tear,
temporal
despite this moment’s endlessness..."
This stanza is very good. Try to make the others as excellent as it is. -
There are many fine examples of poetic devices in this long lyrical poem - the similes and metaphors are excellent.
This is my favourite stanza (although i think you may wish to consider whether you need 'adornments' hanging on the end of it:
We are merely human –
caught like hairs across the aim .
We may dance but no-one, here,
will spare us from the game:
we are pieces, pawns
to mark some trophy page.
Good luck in the contest; I hope you do well in it. (If you wrote this poem for the contest, then you already have a good reward for your efforts).
best wishes,
Myron.
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I've changed the format of the 'adornments' line to try and clarify the thought. (Spoken with a shrug).
Hope that helps.
Unless actually called for, I don't enter pre-writes. How am I going to get better if I don't stretch myself - just recycle? Sorry - just one of my pet hates... lol
Again, thanks for your thoughts and suggestions on the work.
Best, p
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Wowee! I am completely impressed with this. I don't usually write prose my self, but even if I did I don't think I could improve on this much at all. I could write something good but I don't see how it could be better than this. - oce
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Hi
Really enjoyed reading this!
Loved the lines:'
'the sky will cough the moon out,'
Very descriptive, reminds me of those dark nights when the moon peeps out from behind smokey clouds.
also
'rainbows in a tear,'
I like the way it suggests joy amidst sorrow and sorrow amidst joy.
and
'choking hug of solitude.'
There can be something very suffocating about being alone.
I'm reluctant to change anything in this poem, but perhaps you could change;
'Despite my ranging thoughts'
for 'Despite my raging thoughts'
Super write. Thanks for sharing.
-
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Thanks
for your kinds comments!
Just a note on the use of 'ranging' - I used it to mean that despite my imagination leaping around all over the place (thoughts like fireflies, fairies) nevertheless I would not let my physical side down - I would not abandon my humanity...
Hope that helps! Best, p
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good
i like the pome it hold some what of truth you person
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Oh, this is simply spellbinding! What masterful diction, the visual scenes painted are lucid and rich! Your mighty pen is truly blessed poet. All the best in the contest.
mj.
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I really enjoyed this piece, the spacing made it all the more enjoyable to read. You picked your moments just right and your word usage is fantastic. Thank you for sharing.
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There is such an ethereal beauty to this poem that it is hard for me to find the right words to describe it. First off, I am a great and unmovable lover of fantasy, and faeries are particularly close to my heart. Your words and prose were easy to drink in and truly savor, and they drenched the soul in the message you convey. It's breath-takingly beautiful, and I believe that in your contest, you've all but taken the cake already. Congratulations on a job fantastically done ^_^ Write on, poet.
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I cannot even breathe...you so brought me to tears with the beauty in this verse.
There are so many emotional hits throughout your verse, I don't even know where to begin. You sir, are a master at your craft, and I never tire of your rich words and elegant style.
If this is not perfection on a page, I don't know what is. - indulgently created!
You made my morning... ~Pamela
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Good stuff.
Love the sky coughing the moon out, rainbows in a tear, choking hug of solitude.
A moment's endlessness.
(And down there Sprite has reached in and plucked out the same lines.)
Despite ... despite ...
More, please.
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A wonderful take on being mortal. Phrases that I especially like are "merely rainbows in a tear," "the choking hug of solitude," and "the sky will cough the moon out." These are very uniquely written and beautifully reflective of what they represent.
The form and flow are very nice. This is another terrific poem of yours. ~ Joyce
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i love what you do, Poet. love, lane
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This is wonderful! I will comment further later, as I must read it again when I have more time to digest the imagery.
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