Day by day, minute by minute, second by second, my life goes by
Everday i look below and see me, or what seemes to be me
I go through the motions
I talk to everyone, but i am not really there
Just a vacant abonded shell
Not to let anyone, to know who i truly was
I see myself study francticly, stressing over stupid things
But as i think about it, those were them meaningless thing in my life
I look at all the silly mistakes I Used to make
Everyday I'm in pain... watching all the hurtful memories, of what used to be my life
I watch as i meet the guy, who i thought was perfect
he had a fake smile painted on his face,but back then i didn't see who he truly was
what true colors lay hidden behind the mask
I watch him as he charms his way into my life
I see our first date, our first kiss
I see him pick me up from my house
I smile and wave to my parents, not relizing this would be my final good-bye
I ask him where we are going his faces showing somber silence, as if here was coontemplating a difficult enigma
We drive for a while deep into the woods
"where are we?" I ask, still not seeing through the smoke
He looked at me with lustful eyes
he jumped on me
I struggled, i screamed as he forced me back
"I WANT TO GO HOME" hoping he would obey my pleas
"Your not going anywhere," he said as he looked at me with murderous eyes
He grabbed my arm as he stuck it with a needle
I watch as my body becomes limp
I cry out in pain, once last time before as i dove inyo a state of unconscioness
Im frozen, forced to watch the pain I went through, again and again
He picks my up and carries me to a abonded cabin
where i see him bind my arm to a bed
i see him as he penatrates my unconscioness body
my inside turns, as my legs give way
I watch as i slip out of my dormant state
I hear myself scream for life
"why are you doing this to me?"I whimper
"Shut up Bitch" he yeled as he latched on my neck, I fought back, for what seemed like a life time
I saw my body grow still, and the life drain out of me
I screamed out" I can't take this anymore, i want this pain to end"
"you must seek revenge, to put you soul to rest" a shadowed figure said, as if he were waiting for me
In My hand appears a dagger
My spirit drifts back to where it all happened
He was there in the corner pining over pictures of his victims
I went behind him and plunged thee dagger into his back, he never knew what him
i saw the life drain from his eyes
i see his soul drift through the floor, where he would burn in hell forever
and now my soul is at rest
from my sweet, sweet revenge.....
Author notes
umm this is for a contest and it coulld be under :
9. Crimes and Consequences
10. Each To His Own Demise
this poem was inspired by true events....
This man was a true killer... he was titled "the green river killer"
A contest entry
- Lust Murder by Synthetic-Nightmare.
1650 points, ended July 27, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Scare Me by Shannanagan.
600 points, ended July 10, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Invite Only :: Members of My Groups Please Enter. by Midnight-x-Rose.
1300 points, ended July 16, 6 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkness reigns over AP by daviscth.
2700 points, ended August 3, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make It Dark by peregrin.
450 points, ended August 10, 98 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Blood And Murder by papercutangel86.
300 points, ended August 3, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Teens & Young Adults by DAMSELx.
300 points, ended August 30, 122 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hope is But a Lost Dream by Lost Vampyre Angel.
600 points, ended September 15, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
does it give u chills?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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Hello
But as i think about it, those were them meaningless thing in my life
this line is rather awkwardly phrased. it would be better if you took out "them" and put the word "thing" to "things" so it would read:
But as I think about it, those were meaningless things in my life.
coontemplating >> should be contemplating
pleas >> plea's
inyo >> into
abonded >> abandoned
arm >> arms
it would sound more..constructed and neat. and make more sense if the killer bound your arms and not just one arm
yeled >> yelled
thee >> the
he never knew what him >> hmm this sentence seemed very..awkward and doesn't really make sense. But it would make more sense if it was:
"He never knew what had hit him"
see it makes more sense..
Also I agree with the other comment below mine. You sound capitalize your I's because It is a proper noun and so no matter where it is in a sentence It needs to be capitalized.
now apart from technical errors: this is very good poem. A very touchy subject and I like how you penned this you can feel the raw emotion. All my love
kitty xxx -
ok 1st things 1st you made a big no no in my opinion "I" is a proper noun! that means it is capitalized no matter were it shows up in a sentence. Lots and Lots of errors might want to look back over it. Sorry I hate that. Anyways, now that thats taken care of. Your poem is pretty intersting I like how you killed the killer. Anyways thanks for entering
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Very dark and very well written,
great addition to my contest!
Best of luck! -
Just a vacant abonded shell
Not to let anyone, to know who i truly was
Great line!
I love the whole poem, piece by piece
Its full of emotions
Good luck to you
Julie -
WOW!!! This piece really held my attention. I thought it had the ring of truth. Thanks for posting in the contest.
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I can definitely see why this is one of your favorites, its just so wonderfully constructed into absolute art. It kind of gave me the chills though, in a poetically great way though. Gold trophy material here!
Silvos.
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Wow, this makes me feel really sad and angry and all that at the same time. I'm sorry that this is a true story, so upsetting... I've heard of this killer, as I think I've heard of most notorious killers as I have a fascination in them, but I can't stand their actions.
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This made me cry. I could picture it. I almost stopped reading it but I kept on. There is nothing more I can say.
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Shockingly good
I worked out how to make this write readable, your write is brilliant, I know about the man you wrote about, he killed a lot of girls and got the electric chair for his crimes, or it may have been a lethal injection, not sure which now. I loved how you had the girl in your story get her revenge. Will add you as favorite for I think your poems are deserving enough for me.
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wow, this is probably the only decent write I've read so far. it's like it came strait out of a horror movie, i hate to read though that this was baissed on a true story, thanks for entering i realy liked this
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Wow...it gave me goose bumps. Very good - other than a few typos. Thank God it wasn't a true story about something that happened to you. At first, when I began reading it, I was really worried.
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you scare me vampbrat. its ok tho:)
correct me if i am wrong but wasnt the green river killer "ramirez"? my memory might be a little off but it seems he was a strangler. you write well of the terror i think a victim of his might go through and i can only wish one of his victims or any other's victims could have been given a weapon to strike back with and escape...
you write well about a victim and i thought it was really chilling in fact! (you do need to work on spelling a bit though) but i dont detract from that as i knew every word you wrote that was misspelled.
overall it was just damn chilling to read!
peace to you-
-dev
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Wow.......
this piece is chilling and the feel is very eery. You did a VERY AMAZING JOB re-enacting this event in poetry form and it came out well.
I'd be proud!
Thanks for your entry,
kudos
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love it
i REALLy liked the beinning of this peice, it caught my attention well and got me to keep reading
really nice job
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sweet poem and it dose give me the chills sweet write would love to readmore
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