The Ugly In-Between (A Rant)

Always, always, always. At any stage in life, the same thing: the ugly in-between.

An episode at my first job:

He was 27. Strictly platonic: he was smart, so I talked to him. Mostly about people. Not like gossip, just people generally. Human habits, religion, and so on.

Then, "How old do you have to be to work in the kitchen?"

"Why? It doesn't really matter, you just have to be 18."

"..."

"Uhm... how old __are__ you?"

"Seventeen."

And suddenly we couldn't talk anymore. Yet when I saw other 17-year-olds, those I went to school with and those I worked with, they seemed like such children. And the people I actually wanted to associate myself with were unreachable, who, as soon as age was mentioned, turned off like lights suffering from an unpaid electric bill. (The ugly in-between.)

Always, always, always. Unavoidable.

Now: Everyone in my age group is naive, it seems. Even if they are stupid like me, dumb enough to get knocked up and "suffer" the "consequences" (have the privilege of being a parent), who do I know who is my age and has also lost that child?

No one. Nor have I even heard of one in my distant social circle.

Such children, these early adults. How can I respect that? Am I expected to tolerate this? I can't help but be disgusted at times, though I know I would be the same way had the last year and a half gone a little differently.

The same problem persists. Now, I can't relate to my age group. Not only that, I can't help but feel disdain for them all. Or even people in the same relative age group, which generally encompasses ages 19-30 or so. They are all children to me.

Yet, the older people are out of reach, and not just because they want to be, but because I now know I simply don't have the same kind of experience as them. And, it doesn't help that I can see them thinking, "How sad, and she's so... young."

Like that matters.